“The hardest part is the hardest part,” I said once again as I started writing out my thoughts. I can’t even imagine how many times I’ve said that to myself over the last couple of months. I can’t even remember when I started saying but it makes me stop and reflect. And today was one of those reflection days.
Oh how, I was thankful Owen slept all night. Friday nights are hard. In the last year, he’s slept better than he has all his life but Fridays are especially hard because I never know what’s going to happen. Telling him yesterday that he wasn’t going to see his grandma today gave me one of those moments where it was hard but also exactly what needed to happen. My mom and I had talked about changing his days up and today was that day. And we are going to do it more often.
I always say I don’t know something is going to be something until it’s something. As much as Owen thrives in routine we also need to help him understand that we have to do other things at different times.
I love it when he has conversations with me. Sometimes it’s hard when I try to get him to interact with me and he doesn’t. Sometimes it’s because he can’t process it and sometimes he is a kid playing on his tablet and wants to play on his tablet. It’s still emotional though. He was telling me about the game he was playing and he knew that bugs have wings to fly. I love how much he knows and has stored in that amazing brain of his.
Today was my aunt’s funeral. Emotions ran through me all day long. The past, present, and future all colliding in the memories she was a part of and how much she meant to our family. Going to an event like this can be hard for anyone but Owen didn’t understand. I tried to associate it like with “Uncle Wichard” but he truly doesn’t understand that loss either.
The big thing was he couldn’t see my mom. Saturdays are grandma days and grandma in clothes that make Owen happy. And today was not going to be that day. I didn’t want him to think he was going to go home with her.
I started explaining in the morning we were going to see family and why we were going. How do you explain loss and emotions? We got ready and he told me he was going to see family. He was working through it.
On the way there he asked to go on the elevators and a red train. I had no clue what red train he meant, and still don’t, but luckily we found both. He was so happy the church had an elevator. I had let my mom know we got there and she stayed out of the room while we visited with our family for a few minutes.
I knew he wouldn’t be able to sit through the whole service so we came for the visitation. He wanted to get on the stage to sing and play the drums. I told him he couldn't at that time so when we were talking to my cousins he asked them to rally with him to sing. They loved it.
After that, we went to the park that was nearby to see the red train but once he saw the opportunity for mud at the playground he wanted nothing to do with it and headed straight for the slides. He had an absolute blast and he couldn’t wait to get home to go swimming in the pool tub with his goggles.
I made some cauliflower bites. They had cheese and bacon in them and were breaded. I gave him one with ranch. He loved it so I gave him more. I am trying to give him more foods with textures he likes but introducing new foods. I am always trying to grow his food choices.
He was calm the rest of the night and is very ready for church tomorrow. He wants to sing he told me. And he also wants to see his grandma after church so we are probably going to make it happen if it all works out. I’m hoping this does not cause him to wake up early tomorrow. I’m thankful he handled everything well today.
Grief is a beast but the beauty is in the memories, inspiration, and reflection that comes from those moments. Find strength in tomorrow and let the memories be your guide for your future. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Oh how, I was thankful Owen slept all night. Friday nights are hard. In the last year, he’s slept better than he has all his life but Fridays are especially hard because I never know what’s going to happen. Telling him yesterday that he wasn’t going to see his grandma today gave me one of those moments where it was hard but also exactly what needed to happen. My mom and I had talked about changing his days up and today was that day. And we are going to do it more often.
I always say I don’t know something is going to be something until it’s something. As much as Owen thrives in routine we also need to help him understand that we have to do other things at different times.
I love it when he has conversations with me. Sometimes it’s hard when I try to get him to interact with me and he doesn’t. Sometimes it’s because he can’t process it and sometimes he is a kid playing on his tablet and wants to play on his tablet. It’s still emotional though. He was telling me about the game he was playing and he knew that bugs have wings to fly. I love how much he knows and has stored in that amazing brain of his.
Today was my aunt’s funeral. Emotions ran through me all day long. The past, present, and future all colliding in the memories she was a part of and how much she meant to our family. Going to an event like this can be hard for anyone but Owen didn’t understand. I tried to associate it like with “Uncle Wichard” but he truly doesn’t understand that loss either.
The big thing was he couldn’t see my mom. Saturdays are grandma days and grandma in clothes that make Owen happy. And today was not going to be that day. I didn’t want him to think he was going to go home with her.
I started explaining in the morning we were going to see family and why we were going. How do you explain loss and emotions? We got ready and he told me he was going to see family. He was working through it.
On the way there he asked to go on the elevators and a red train. I had no clue what red train he meant, and still don’t, but luckily we found both. He was so happy the church had an elevator. I had let my mom know we got there and she stayed out of the room while we visited with our family for a few minutes.
I knew he wouldn’t be able to sit through the whole service so we came for the visitation. He wanted to get on the stage to sing and play the drums. I told him he couldn't at that time so when we were talking to my cousins he asked them to rally with him to sing. They loved it.
After that, we went to the park that was nearby to see the red train but once he saw the opportunity for mud at the playground he wanted nothing to do with it and headed straight for the slides. He had an absolute blast and he couldn’t wait to get home to go swimming in the pool tub with his goggles.
I made some cauliflower bites. They had cheese and bacon in them and were breaded. I gave him one with ranch. He loved it so I gave him more. I am trying to give him more foods with textures he likes but introducing new foods. I am always trying to grow his food choices.
He was calm the rest of the night and is very ready for church tomorrow. He wants to sing he told me. And he also wants to see his grandma after church so we are probably going to make it happen if it all works out. I’m hoping this does not cause him to wake up early tomorrow. I’m thankful he handled everything well today.
Grief is a beast but the beauty is in the memories, inspiration, and reflection that comes from those moments. Find strength in tomorrow and let the memories be your guide for your future. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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