Return Saturday

What’s old is new again. Once Owen got to sleep he slept all night and was technically a little late for us if you count after six late. He woke ready for his day. We were in slow motion but I was fine with that. He spent his morning laughing, singing, and playing on his tablet, occasionally bringing it to me to help him find something. “Let go there’s the candy cane there’s the barn it’s stripes red and green,” he said referencing his game. He went on, “they’re fireworks they are dots see the doootTsz.” I got him some new sneakers and he didn’t want to try them but I told him that if he didn’t like them he could take them off right away. He left them on but I can’t decide if they fit him better or not. It’s one of those deals where they are both easier and harder to put on than his other ones. The Velcro on these is easier to open but the shoe feels a little tighter so I hope that he will be able to do them on his own. He was happy to be going to “grandma’s house.” I know he was missing his routine the last few weeks. I went back later in the afternoon to pick him up and we took him to the park. He wanted to go get chicken nuggets and a cheeseburger with grandma and then they met me at “the little park.” When I was waiting for them I was watching some teens play on the basketball court. I was hoping they would leave by the time they got there. I wasn’t sure how Owen would handle them. They, fortunately, decided to leave but then two others came and decided to play. When they got to the court one of them dropped their backpack on the edge of the court. This did not go over well with Owen at all. He was spiraling quickly into a meltdown all because she put her backpack down. He was screaming and he tried to get the backpack. I wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t his and I told him that he couldn’t touch it. This was so incredibly hard. All I had to do was move it. All the girl had to do was move it. All I had to do was let him move it. But none of it happened right away. The only one that could move it was the girl. It was hers. I had to get him to understand that she had every right to have it where she wanted it but all I wanted to do was have her move it. How do I explain to him that I know it was not where it was supposed to be but this isn’t something he can always fix. Sometimes things will be in random places. It’s like blue pants. I can’t make the entire world wear blue pants. I made him count and breathe. He kept saying that the girl should leave but I told him if he couldn’t center himself that we would have to leave. I had him count to ten and asked him to breathe. It took him a couple of times but once I told him that he would have to go home he repeated it to himself and then he was able to deal with it. I’m trying to get him to realize we are the ones that would have to leave and I understand this is hard and important to him but he has to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions and reactions. I know it’s so much for him to process. For everyone to process. The girl finally moved her backpack and that helped. At one point their ball came in our direction and instead of giving it back to them, he kicked it away. He didn’t understand that at all either. This didn’t upset him he just knew he wanted to kick the ball. They were understanding about it and he did get the ball and give it back to them. I don’t always know how to explain something to others when I don’t always understand it myself. I’m thankful we were all able to move forward with it. I can only imagine what he goes through if a backpack on the basketball court sent him into meltdown mode. I want him to understand his emotions are valid but he also has to understand that even though this is something that upset him he cannot focus on it because random things like this will happen all the time. It’s a fine line. The visual cues trigger so many emotions for him. I don’t want him to ever think they are not important to him or me but I do need him to understand that he has to figure out how to work around them to keep order in his mind. I’m thankful he was able to recover enough to enjoy his time riding his bike. He told me that he couldn’t wait to get his bike with pedals. He kept throwing his bike to the ground and then dramatically laying on the ground saying he fell. When he was little he would do this all the time. It was some of our first interactions and conversations. It was a way to build in those cues for making sure he knew how to tell me if he was hurt. I would ask him if he was ok and he would say, “I’m ok I fell.” When we came home he ate his dinner and bedtime was a whole new experience for me. He wanted to go to bed on his own. He let me tuck him in his blanket about ten times and got out of bed several more times to tell me “night night mommy go to white bed” but he fell asleep in his room alone. He’s growing up. I’m thankful for his growth today. It felt huge. I don’t always have the right answers or know how to handle something but I’m thrilled with how he was able to calm himself and move forward. Our lives are not always easy to explain but our love sure is. Dream big and know that you can accomplish all things if you set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze!