I was about to tell myself to go back to sleep and then I listened again. It was a faint sound of Owen’s tablet. It was after five and he was ready to start his day but at least he was doing it quietly. I came around the corner and I said good morning as he walked towards me. I told him not to stop me because I truly needed that forward progress to get me to the bathroom. He kept coming anyways. I told him to give mommy just a minute and thankfully he let me continue. My bladder is no spring chicken anymore and I needed to go so I could drink my pot of coffee. As soon as I came out of the bathroom he started going through the motions of the day. “Tuesday be with mommy tomorrow,” he said over and over and it was our theme for the day. The constant constant is rough. He can’t regulate his thoughts and he is constantly going. I had an appointment, but I hadn’t told Owen that he was going to see his grandma today. I didn’t want to tell him yesterday because it may have caused him to not sleep. He was excited once I told him and we got ready to go. Sometimes when I tell him something it still takes him a while to process it, and getting ready was not exactly a quick trip. Once we got out the door, we were on a mission. He had found a building on his maps app. “There’s a bug,” he said. It’s truly amazing all of the details he catches. I knew we would be passing it on the way to see his grandma. The building has signs out front and it tells about each thing they do. One of the signs has a big bug on it. I showed him the building and he was more concerned about getting to grandma’s house. When we got there, he was ready to go home. I went to my appointment and I came back later. I had told him yesterday that we were going to go bowling or ride his bike today and he when I picked him up from his grandma’s we went bowling. He kept saying Tuesday be with mommy tomorrow. I’m not sure how to change this so that it helps us move through the day. He is always trying to make sure of what his schedule is, but he will not use a schedule or any other form of notifications. He had a great time while we were bowling but that phrase kept running through his mind. He would ask me every few minutes and he was standing there bowling and talking about being with mommy tomorrow. He has an incredibly hard time focusing on fun or the moment at hand. it is one of the things that we are working on this summer. It is so hard to motivate myself to go outside or for Owen to get ready and go because of our emotions. I know it will be hard on him. It’s an emotional journey full of Tuesdays when he wants me to be with him. Once we got home, he still had the same thing running through his mind but at least he was able to do other activities like work on his tablet and sing with mommy. The night kept restarting. Every time I thought he was done he was starting again with Tuesday be with mommy tomorrow. Every day my heart hopes that tomorrow is the day that is easier for my son and I think sleep is finally won for my baby and I hope that he sleeps the rest of the night. Our journey is not always easy to explain, but the loves sure is. His big cheeky grin is what got me through the day. Find what makes you happy and share your journey. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.