As exhausted as I was last night I think I woke up a million times anyways. Maybe not quite that many but way too many times. I was extremely thankful that Owen didn’t wake up a million times and at least slept until after five. He however wanted me up immediately to discuss tomorrow and that it wasn’t the day to see his teacher. He knew today was June 2nd and he knew he was going to school on the 12th but he wanted no association with the calendar or counting the days. He didn’t want to know the amount of days in between but it is getting closer to him being able to accept a timeline. The reality of a timeline can change constantly based on the events of the day. I believe he understands the probability of change. I will continue to explore connections for him but part of the reason he is in visual therapy is to connect with concrete items. He walked up to me with his tablet and said, “it’s a man.” It was a boy but he wanted me to tell him it was a man. What makes him constantly say the opposite of what he wants to say? Is it my reaction, is it his need, is it somewhere in between? I could wonder forever and still not completely comprehend. He answers questions differently depending on who he is with and reacts to the environment he is in. I suppose in a lot of ways we all do that but I know he is looking for reactions and expressions on people’s faces. I think this helps him to understand his own emotions. He was extra needy for sensory input today. I know it is partly because of him not feeling well. His stomping is amplified in moments like this. He stomps off in one direction only to return right back to the same place. He wanted all the lights off again. If I turned them on during the day he would come behind me and turn them off. They went on, off, on, off, on, and off again. The rhythm, the pattern almost feels like he is even finding comfort in it. I thought we were going to go to the park so he could ride his bike again. The air conditioner guy came to fix our air and I thought after he left we were going but Owen had other plans. As soon as he left he took his clothes off. I said, “I thought we were going to the park” and he said to me, “we are done discussing this” and off he ran. He still wasn’t feeling great and he was preparing for his Saturday with his grandma so he wanted to stay home. Each day I pray for guidance and strength. Today was filled with lots of laughs, learning experiences, and growth. The best days are the ones where I see his smile and that happened a lot. Through our challenges remember the victories that will come after them. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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