The uneasiness of yesterday has carried through to today. Owen’s on edge and I’m trying to keep things as calm as possible for him. He went to spend a few hours with his grandma. As I was leaving he yells out “I wuv ewe” holding up his hand trying to sign I love you. This brings my heart so much joy. On the way to her house, every single animal was put on the farm, maybe even a couple of times. And then there are the times he doesn’t want me to sing. He says, “I’m not going to sing”, but he really means me. On the way home, he didn’t say too much except that he wanted to take a “baff” and he screamed at the two meltdown lights. We got through the first one with only a tiny scream and I breathed a little easier. I was hoping the next one would go as well. I held onto the steering wheel waiting to see what he did. The light was green, I thought maybe he wouldn’t scream because of it, but there it was and I kept driving. If I react too much he screams more. There’s that fine line of is this a meltdown now or is it a reactionary behavior from the past times. I try to talk to him about the lights and why we have to stop, but he doesn’t understand. I keep trying though. I feel his emotions today. He’s wanted to sit on my lap, playing with my hair. He’s now listening to a video in a different language, answering it in English. I don’t think he understands there are numerous languages. He will say words to me that I often don’t understand. I have to decide if they are a foreign language or if it is a word he hasn’t learned how to say yet. He gets frustrated when I don’t know how to answer him. I have him go back through the steps with me if he can. Sometimes this frustrates him even further, but I keep trying. I haven’t talked to him today about the different activities that hopefully we will get to do again soon. The emotions he had last night and how the day has still felt thick keep me from talking about what’s to come. But really who knows what’s to come. Everything still feels up in the air right now. I remind myself to breathe. He’s smiling more as the day goes on and that’s what is important. Every day Owen inspires me. Live life to the fullest. Find your inspiration and motivation and watch your world grow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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