Today was emotional, maybe beyond emotional because yesterday was emotional too. The tears won’t stop coming. In a less than thirty-six-hour whirlwind, my mom and I drove with Owen to North Carolina to be in my brother’s state, to be with some of his friends, to be in his home, and to ask the question over and over again “where do we go from here?” I’m devastated. It seems the further from the loss the harder it gets. We stayed in the lodge again that we had come to when we came for his funeral. At least that made it easier because we were surrounded by people that truly care for us. Owen was overwhelmed by so many things but also did amazing for being completely out of his comfort zone. The trip was hard on him. Yesterday, about an hour from home he said, “it’s time to go homeA.” This sentiment continued for part of the trip down. He knew he was going to “uncle wichard’s house” so that started to make it easier for him but he asked to see him. When we got to the lodge my mom stayed with Owen while I took paintings to the coffee shop and visited with his friends. They are using the paintings to help fund a memorial in my brother’s name. I got back to the lodge and then we went to my brother’s house. Owen was entertained with him having two vacuums. He stood there doing his reviews, while not wanting them to be turned on. We didn’t stay long and then went to have dinner at the lodge. The night blended into morning and thankfully he slept most of the night. We woke around five and waited to go down to the lodge for breakfast. He doesn’t understand that he can’t scream or run up to everyone to tell them to wear blue pants. He had his tablet but he still gets very excited. After we ate our breakfast more of Richard’s friends came to meet us at the lodge. We sat in the front room to talk. When someone would come in the door he would run to make sure it closed properly. If I tried to keep him from doing something he would yell “go potty” but he doesn’t really need to go potty. We went back out to my brother’s house one more time before we left. The emotions Owen felt rippled through me. He screamed randomly if we touched the wrong thing but sat playing on his tablet when things were chaotic as well. We left to come home after going back to the lodge. The trip home was emotional. He screamed a lot but all I kept thinking is how hard this was on him. Being out of routine and his home alone is hard but every time my mom or I would cry he would yell “happy you happy” because he can’t handle the emotions. The traffic home slowed us down a few times and even though we weren’t by a stoplight he would yell “triangle green means go.” We stopped to get some food and my mom ran inside to go to the bathroom. He had a huge meltdown because she left the car. I had asked him what he would like for dinner and he said, “elephant.” I was able to help him calm down but it was still hard on him. We got back on the road and headed home. He kept saying that “grandma would go bye bye”. She couldn’t stay because that would be too hard on him. I told him when we got home I was going to get all our stuff out of the car and then we would go inside. He still screamed. The moment we walked in the door relief washed over him. He wanted his couch, tv, bed, and everything else that is part of his routine. He fell asleep quickly and our journey was complete. I knew this would be hard on him but we had to go, he had to go. Life happens when you have something else planned my mom always says and this journey sure proved it. Even though it was hard he did amazing. Find your strength and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.