It seems like it was closer to one in the morning when I looked over and Owen was asleep next to me. He must have been in stealth mode because there wasn’t much moving last night. When it was time to get up he wasn’t exactly happy that I turned any of the lights on and screamed “no” like he thought I hadn’t been down this road before. I asked him the question I always ask because I always know the answer, do you not want to go to school? “School school,” he said. I knew the answer, he probably knew the question. I started singing the little ditty I made up for him. “You gotta get up up up to start our day day day even when you say no way you gotta get up,” I sang out. He finds no humor in this. I went on to tell him that if he didn’t get up he would have no time to play with his tablet before school. Off he ran to get his tablet and he was quickly reminded he needed to go to the bathroom first. I showed him two pairs of socks and I asked him to choose which ones he wanted to wear to school. He chose his Spider-Man socks. It always makes me happy when he selects new things. We were walking down to the bus stop and the moon was still out. He said, “it’s nighttime moon jump up in the clouds eat the moon,” he said. I told him he would have to jump really high to eat the moon. I love when he has an imagination about something. We saw more bunnies and he hopped again for me. When he came home from school he took his shoes off but still had his Spider-Man socks on. He ran to his treasure chest and said, “brown socks for my treasure” or so I think. I asked him to repeat it and he said, “I want treasure please in the box come.” I asked him what he said he wanted and he didn’t repeat it but went on to say he needed the key to lock his treasure. None of this was prompted. It happened as soon as he walked in the door. Then I showed him his Spider-Man mask and he put it on himself, took off his glasses, and then took off the mask, and put his glasses back on. It was lots of actions and conversations in a quick amount of time. I couldn’t get him to tell me what treasure he wanted for his treasure chest but hopefully we can figure it out. He told me in the morning he wanted me to wear my pink hat. I thought wow how far we’ve come because anytime my hair was pulled back or I had a hat on or even if I moved my hair off my shoulder he was would have meltdowns from this. Now here he was requesting me to wear a hat. I put it on to meet his bus and he was so happy. As much as he has been singing his scales lately I can see him singing on stage one day. Earlier he was singing and I said I love when you sing the scales. He said, “mommy get on the scale numbers heard um.” He always wants me to stand on our scale because it talks but I love that he made the connection from the singing scale to the weight scale. He was very calm tonight and for that I was thankful. We talked about our week ahead and the different things we might do. I’m trying to get him to understand we can do numerous different things all week but still have a routine that works for us. Or so I pray. Now I have to consider all the options that could happen and go for it. By the end of the week, we’ll see how much I want to push everything. One day at a time and onward we move. I’m trying to remember to breathe. Grief isn’t something that ends overnight and so many of my steps throughout my days are faced with a reality that I’m missing a big chunk out of it. I pray every day for calm and peace. Owen is doing amazing. His little personality is shining brighter than the moon and his laughter dots the sky with the stars. Find your joy, share your smile, and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.