As my heart breaks, I also have to remember to let my soul rejoice. There are so many things beyond our control right now, so praying is my answer. Today should be gymnastics day. Today should be a lot of things day, but gymnastics is where we should have gone, coulda, shoulda, woulda gone. This is where everything comes colliding together for me. I want to keep my baby safe, but things like gymnastics and bowling are therapy for him, for me too. I have to push passed all of the emotions right now and keep Owen moving forward. Really I think it’s about keeping us all moving forward. I tried to do exercises with Owen. I want to keep us both physically active while all this is going on, which seems easier said than done since I want to sit all the time. Our morning was going great, so I asked him to touch his toes. His immediate response was to lift his foot directly from the ground and touch his toes. First, I thought I wish I could still do this and then second, it immediately hit my heart that he doesn’t understand how to touch his toes by bending over. I tried to show him by bending over to touch my toes, but he laughed. I have to admit it was a sight to see. Graceful is not what I describe myself as anymore, for that matter ever. I tried helping him bend in half and he couldn’t get the concept. He lifted his foot again. I had him sit on the floor and try to touch his toes, that didn’t work either. I try to breathe through these moments. We will get it. He’s making huge progress and I know he will get this too. One of the hardest things for me is gauging how he is feeling. He knows enough to say to me he is sick from an upset stomach right as he gets sick, but he wouldn’t be able to explain he has a headache or sore throat. He will also sing, “momma called de doctor and de doctor said no more monkeys jumping on de bed”. I found this comforting when I finally made the connection that he would sick it if he doesn’t feel well. However, he also loves going to see his doctor because we get to ride an elevator and he loves her, so when he asks for her or sings the song I have to watch for his energy surrounding how he says it. One day at a time, one moment, one breathe. I’m thankful for his smile and his progress. Know that you are not alone. Remember to embrace your victories and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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