I sat next to Owen as he was listening to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in all the languages, changing them one right after another. He will pull up one of the episodes and then continues to change the language multiple times. He then told me about the episode he was watching in great expressive detail. I love those moments when he is connecting to what he is doing. It was a little easier to convince him to go wait for the bus today. He was focused on everything that he wanted to do this week so maybe that is why. He was happy our neighbor came out and partly followed her down the road but quickly went running the other way to look for his bus. And to push the limits of where he can stand. He said, “not past the stop sign” with a grin so big and stepped right past it. He quickly ran around the stop sign and right back to me. His bus came and he was off to school. When he got home before we could even walk inside he wanted to take a bath and for me to change. I was already having a rough day, missing my brother more than I can explain on a day I needed him most. Owen was extremely focused on all the days ahead. He needed to make sure he was going to school, therapy, and seeing grandma this weekend. His anxiety for the days ahead shook up our world for the night. One of his therapists talks about the moment we are in. She reminds him to think about what he is doing trying to get him to focus on the activity he is doing. I can tell his teacher is preparing him for next week. My heart is aching and I want to find peace and understanding for him when he’s finding none. Any of the rules I set out for him are not helping because he wants to focus on the days ahead. Over and over and over and over and over again he repeated the days of the week and what he was doing on each day. He needs confirmation even though he knows the days ahead. Sleep did not come easily for him. Within the first ten minutes, he was up numerous times. Then he came to sit with me and told me about things he hadn’t talked about in years like the hippo that sits on our porch. He added in that I threw away my black shoes last week and that he was going to therapy tomorrow. He sang to me and told me something I think in Arabic. His sinuses were really bothering him as well and I’m praying that doesn’t wake him up in the middle of the night. My emotions ran as heavy as his. I pray I find activities he wants to do this summer and wishing summer school was longer. I’m thankful he loves going to school and learning. Some days are tough. Some days are emotional. And some days are all the things. Thinking about his laughter today makes me smile. Hold on to what’s dear to your heart and remember to keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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