The days seem to all blend together. And then sometimes emotions get stuck in one moment and the whole day seems hard. Owen slept until after five the first time and then almost back asleep until eight. That in itself is enough for me to shout hallelujah. It’s not often he sleeps through the night. And I never do. When he woke he was very calm. Another hallelujah. Sometimes he is so hyper, anxious, or in a tizzy that makes me not sure of what’s going on and if it isn’t him it might be me. His words seem stronger and more vibrant to me, using them to express his feelings and to tell me what he wants but they can still come across backwards or referencing the opposite of what he means. “Leave your glasses off”, as he points to the glasses on my face. He’s been doing really well wearing his glasses, hardly taking them off or moving them around his face. However, he is like his momma and looks over the rim. We had a therapy appointment this afternoon but before we were going my mom and I were taking Owen to the park. He loves going to the park. He doesn’t always love being at the park or playing on the equipment but he wants to go unless he doesn’t want to go and then he screams. Today was one of those days. There are certain parks he doesn’t want to go to and I don’t know why. It could be the tree cover or the shape of the equipment, maybe a noise coming from the area or he just doesn’t want to. His words can’t express it but his emotions do. We left before we even got out of the car. We tried another park that he does like and the same reaction but he wanted to “check for trains train depot let’s go to the depot” was on his mind. This went a little better than the parks but still brought emotions to him. He likes to yell out directions and then you are supposed to go exactly as he has stated. Two problems with this, right is not always right, and even when he wants to go in a direction it isn’t always possible. He doesn’t understand one-way streets or traffic jams. These moments didn’t go according to plan. He screamed out to my mom and we both told him that we couldn’t go the way he wanted to go. We went to our therapy and he did great. I told him that on the way home he couldn’t yell at me and we weren’t going to see the windows. I also told him that I wasn’t turning where he wanted me to turn that I was turning where I needed to turn. This time there was no screaming. He talked to me a couple of times about where I was going but he didn’t scream. I know it’s a lot for him to deal with. I tell him all the time that I’m not a fan of going in the car but we have to do it. I would much rather drive on a five hundred mile trip than a five mile trip with tons of lights. I want him to understand that we don’t always get to choose our way even when we want to. I pray he understands, I pray that his words and emotions will connect and he can express more of what he is feeling without the screaming. I wish I could find something that would bring him comfort in the car. For today I told him thank you for not screaming at me and working with mommy to get us home. As soon as we walked in the door he started singing Humpty Dumpty in one of the new languages I haven’t figured out which one yet but can tell by the way he sings it what it is. He amazes me every day and I’m thankful for that big, beautiful smile. Our life is not always easy to explain but the love sure is. Find your happiness and share it with the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.