Monday Hears A Noise

Owen couldn’t fall asleep last night. I was exhausted. It was a day full of pushing limits, and self discovery. He is making more connections to the words he is using, and how to communicate with me, but there’s still those moments where he talks in only sounds, and gets frustrated when I don’t understand what he needs. When he was still fighting sleep, and it was almost ten o’clock, I put him in bed with me. He still struggled, so did I, but we eventually fell asleep, him sleeping through the night. The past week has been extremely hard, more emotionally than normal, and Owen has been screaming a lot. He knows how to push my buttons, and I’m trying to teach him that he doesn’t need to scream to get my attention. These have been some of the loneliest days, waiting for answers to questions no one seems to have the answers for. I see this spark in Owen, it’s growing every day. It’s what keeps me going when I feel like everything is crumbling around me. He’s my hope when I feel at a loss, he’s my motivation when I wonder how I’m going to make it through our days, because I know that I have to do better for both of us. When Owen got off the bus he was full of words, and wonder. I was excited for the conversation, even though it didn’t completely flow, or make sense, we walked all the way home talking, and that’s what matters. There are days where loneliness sits next to your loneliness, and it doesn’t even want to talk to you. But today Owen pushed my loneliness aside, and walked with me into the light. He has reminded himself numerous times to stop screaming, and has been interacting with me all afternoon. This is exactly what this momma needed after a week of hard days. I keep telling myself tomorrow is a brand new day. Today I feel like it will be fine, and my hope, well he is smiling his big grin at me, and I can’t help but smile right back. Find your strength, know that today is a day, and tomorrow will be different. You are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!