Owen understands no danger. And sleep certainly doesn’t come easy for him. He rolled all over the bed, kicking the lamp on the nightstand. I think his legs are getting longer since it seems easier for him to get to. I have railings on his bed but the way he flops around I still worry about him. I try to keep the routine pretty consistent at night but that doesn’t always help the sleep train. I’m beyond exhausted. He woke up at three in the morning ready for the day. I convinced him to go back to bed but every time I fell asleep he would start yelling “big hug” even though I was holding him in my arms. By the time he was asleep, it wasn’t much longer and we had to get up for the day. He can’t always process what he’s trying to say or the emotions he has so he will be doing an action but still continue to request to do it. Time plays a big part in this as well. Nighttime seems harder for him to process and he wants to make sure he knows what his next day holds. I will tell him that we have to get ready for bed and he will say, “and then” wanting me to tell him what’s next. I try to tell him what he will be doing the next day but during a pandemic, you don’t go to many places. I can’t tell you how many times he has cried out, “we stay home”. It breaks my heart. It took us years to get him into a routine of going places and being comfortable to eat in a restaurant and then months of him not going places have taken a toll on him, on all of us. Now that we are doing more activities I’m still worried about what will happen if it is all locked down again. I try not to overthink it all but here I sit once again ready to cry. Tonight was hard on him, especially compared to last night when he fell asleep under an hour. He kept popping up to check outside the window. His room is really dark but every sliver of light that creates a shadow on the wall makes him scream, “turn out de light”. I have blackout curtains hanging in the hall between his bedroom and the kitchen. He still will wake up if he sees the refrigerator light come on in the middle of the night. The first hour after he falls asleep is probably his best sleep and in general none of the lights or noises bother him. When he fell asleep I walked into the kitchen, flipping the light switch, praying that he was asleep enough it wouldn’t bother him. As the day comes to a close I’m going to focus on the fact that my baby can read. It brings great joy to my heart. Focus on the happy times, let yesterday go, know that we are all in this together, and tomorrow will be a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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