Owen woke, sounding in a panic. He came running to my bed. He was yelling his teacher’s name. “School”, he said. “It’s Monday”, he proclaimed and started yelling his teacher’s name again. I said it’s Sunday. He moved to, “church let’s go to church”. It was still only five in the morning. Almost on cue, in the middle of a cry out for church he fell back asleep, at the same moment I was saying, it’s nighttime. He woke an hour later in the same way, yelling for his teacher. I told him again it was Sunday. He kicked for a few minutes, moving around the bed, and then asked for the blanket that was already on him. I’m finding that he wants me to cover his head with it when he yells for the blanket. This knowledge is helping the process. And the fact that I now have the type of blanket that he likes in all the important locations we are making progress. The yelling. It’s constant. Today he has yelled because his tablet is slow to respond to the internet. “Click it”, he squeals at the top of his lungs. I know he will be running to me soon after that. I explained to him that I click the arrows, which he is now learning to do, and after clicking it a few times it magically starts again. This has been happening a lot in the last couple of days. I ask him to count to ten, hoping it will distract him from it not working, but it seems to frustrate him more. I had a little panic myself today, thinking about Halloween over a month away. The letting go of expectations is sometimes one of the hardest things I have to do. Halloween was always my favorite holiday growing up. My mom always let me have big parties that we would plan for months. Now Owen doesn’t want to cover his face or wear headgear of any kind, so I have to think outside the box to figure out a costume that Owen will tolerate. But then I think it’s all for me anyways. Owen doesn’t even like candy. And going from door to door seems very overwhelming even to me. Today I breathe and remember at least we are able to talk about holidays and what they mean to us now. Owen sings, “single bells single bells single all the way” throughout the year and that lights up my world when he does it. Life is not always easy to explain, but the love sure is. Today is a stepping stone for tomorrow. Let go of yesterday, smile through your day, and know that you matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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