This week has felt different to me, yet exactly the same as a few years ago. My sweet baby O has struggled this week, over everything. He seems to be having a good week though. It’s one of those things that is hard for me to process. How can he have a hard week and a great week at the same time. He had a short burst of tears in the car on our way home. It was only for a few blocks and by the time we got home he was fine. But it hit me hard. His face was red. He was truly upset. And the tears came out of nowhere. This nowhere to me is from somewhere to him. What made him cry, why was he so upset, and how can I help, I wondered. The night went the same way. Short bursts of tears randomly through the night and topped off with crying himself to sleep; I did, too. My heart aches. I don’t know why he was crying. I tried to hold him and he didn’t want me to. He paced, he threw a few things, and slammed some drawers, before he claimed down enough to fall asleep, but it was through his tears that sleep finally came. I try to settle my own mind, but it’s like ocean waves crashing onto shore, every time I think of what he goes through. When I picked up Owen today, I had a dress on. This is hard for Owen. As soon as he saw me, he bent down to the ground, lifting up my dress. “No” is not a command that Owen quickly listens to. I made him stand, holding my dress down. I had to hold his hand, with my own arm outstretched, so he wouldn’t keep reaching for my dress. I got him in the car and we came home, but as soon as I got him out of the car, down to the ground he went again. We got inside and he wanted me to change right away. I did. A dress is not on his recommended attire. As winter ends and summer begins, the transition to short sleeve shirts and shorts will also be difficult for Owen. One step at a time, I’m wearing short sleeve shirts. Soon I’ll try shorts. The unexpected is the expected. The journey is only half the story. Find your motivation and know that your story is important. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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