He said, “dear God.” I love mornings like this. Owen got into bed with me around three but then slept until after six. He was singing Humpty Dumpty in all the languages and smiling nonstop. We have been working on gentle hugs and he is starting to get the hang of it. This isn’t an easy concept for him because he loves the input he receives when he pushes into me with all his might. I always give him a big kiss on the top of his head or cheek. He actually gave me a kiss on my cheek. I pray all the time sometimes roaring loudly for God to help me. Owen stood in our kitchen and it was very soft but he said, “dear God.” It made my day. We talk about God and why we go to church so I love that it was another connection. He requested a “sausage dog” for breakfast. I didn’t have any so I made him a sausage and a cheese biscuit and he ate it all but I love that he asked for a food he wanted. We got ready for church and he did great the whole way there. I told him he needed to look people in the eye and if he wanted to talk about blue pants he needed to say, “blue elephant eats peanuts with Goofy” hoping this would redirect his thoughts. It seems like when I’m sitting in church it’s where I cry the hardest for my brother. Be brave in the sorrow of grief I remind myself. These moments that capture your heart will help you grow in love and wisdom to carry on. Be strong, be still, be thankful for the road ahead and the memories of yesteryear that now hold a special meaning in your soul. I wonder when my head will stop pounding from the reflection of the day he was gone. Grief is a beast. I sat there with a completely wet face. I didn’t wipe the tears away. I needed to feel them. I told him that after church we would get our lunch, come home to eat it, and then we could go to the “party slides” as he calls them. It took us numerous hours to get ready to go. Between eating his lunch in phases and having bathroom issues we finally got going. I had put socks on for the playground and it was hard for him to rationalize through. He wants me to wear what he expects. We got to the indoor playground and he had a blast. He thought our friends were there so he tried to go to the room that they had the birthday party in but I tried to explain they weren’t there. He played for quite a while. I showed him all the video games and other options. We played them for a few minutes and then he went back to the slides right before we left. As we were leaving he said he wanted pizza. I had been asking him but he didn’t want earlier. I think it might have been a ploy to keep us there. I told him we could go back next Sunday right after church and have lunch there. Hopefully, that will work for us. We had a few moments but today was a good day. Thankful for his smile and excitement at the slides. Love is the bridge for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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