Sometimes I want signs, obvious, obvious signs. Today there were none. I sent Owen on the bus only to be called not even twenty minutes later that he got sick. My heart dropped. I hated that he wasn’t feeling well, but mostly that if he wasn’t feeling well he hadn’t been able to tell me. I retraced our morning, our night before, and I saw no signs of sickness. There was no fever, no cough, no changes in attitude, nothing I could think of that would have told me he was sick. My heart still aches. He is learning to tell me he is sick by saying, “are you sick” the words I ask him. He will also sing the song Five Little Monkeys, using the phrase, “momma called the doctor and the doctor said”. None of these things happened. When I got to the school to pick Owen up he looked a little pale, but otherwise fine. As soon as we walked in our door he started asking for food. I didn’t rush any of it since he had been sick, but as the day wore on he ate several different requested foods. One of the hardest things for me is knowing Owen is not able to express his needs, wants, or his excitement from his day. I feel like it’s all right around the corner. I see his vocabulary exploding and the connections he is making fill my heart with pure joy. He was able to ask about a friend he hadn’t seen in a while, a boy his age, then he asked for some other friends of ours that he doesn’t get to see very often, and both of these moments gave me so much hope. I tried to keep the sadness away. How many other people, places, and things does he want to tell me about and can’t express yet. One day at a time I remind myself and I focus on the progress he has made. Our night has been rough and I pray the sickness stays at bay. In the darkness, the sun will shine again. Focus on joys yet to come and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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