Thankfully Owen has been sleeping a little better through the night. He didn’t wake up until five, got into bed with me, and promptly fell back asleep for a little while. I think our walk wore him out yesterday. I know it did me. When he woke again he felt a little cranky but he laughed with me when I was tickling him and telling him it was time to get ready for school. He’ll sit with me sometimes in the mornings showing me his tablet but rarely does he just sit with me talking and laughing before he gets it. I think and rethink how I can or should change his tablet rules but that’s an emotional rollercoaster for both of us as well and he has learned so much because of his tablet that he has taught himself. So for today, I move forward. I picked him up from school and he had an amazing time at therapy. When we came home I could tell he was on sensory overload. Everything was something. The noises were too noisy, the lights were too bright, the doors were not open or closed enough, the drawers were all too much for him, and the laundry was the top of the cake. So I sat. He had a huge meltdown because I had clothes in my hands. Laundry is awful for him. I have to go to the basement to get it and I dread it every time. I need to not do it when he is here or awake but it doesn’t always happen that way. He was so afraid I was going to put it on my bed. He started screaming instantly about it. I put it on the chair instead. How can laundry cause him to have such a huge meltdown? Why does he scream about it? My heart just aches. It shouldn’t be this hard for him. Every door and drawer in this house was up for inspection tonight. I opened my nightstand table drawer. He was in the kitchen but heard me open it. I left it open for just a second because I was drinking the last of my coffee. He came into my room and closed the drawer. I wasn’t done doing what I needed to do but it needed to be closed. Then he runs to the living room. My closet door in there has a pull handle but it’s kind of spring-loaded. It doesn’t always stay shut depending on the weather. I have his trampoline in front of it because of this and knowing how much it bothers him but now he has figured out he can move the trampoline and will open and close the door because it won’t stay closed the way he needs it to. I heard a noise and I turn around to see him bringing me his CD player with the cord dragging behind it. He wanted it gone instantly. He told me to put it in a box. I knew where this was going. If I didn’t put it away the meltdown would start. For some reason when he makes up his mind like this if he continues to see the item it will be a huge problem. I don’t know how he decides or why something he loved before causes meltdowns for him but he knows what bothers him and he wants it gone. I convinced him after five minutes to walk out of the room so I could get rid of it. I hid it under a blanket and I quickly moved away from it. I knew he would be right back. He looked all around for it and then ran out of the room. One thing after another tumbled our night into these moments. He kept looking out the window for the man outside that he told me was outside when we came home. There was nobody there but he kept asking for him. Thursdays are the day he always thinks the roof guys will be here so maybe that’s who he was asking for. I got him to bed and he kept telling me that I needed to go to bed. I don’t think it will be long before I’m asleep I told my sweet baby O. And as soon as I got to my room, trying to be quiet a noise from outside had him screaming again. The earth shakes and the roar of the ant stirs him. Sensory days are the hardest. I pray for his comfort. I pray for calm. I never understood how emotional the floor creaking under my foot could be until it meant no sleep for hours to come. I breathe. Tomorrow is a brand new day. I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for Owen’s progress and I’m thankful for the journey that I’m on with my sweet baby O. Bring joy to your life by watching the sun rise and letting the rays comfort your soul. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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