The transition to summer has begun. My heart is exploding in a million little pieces. Owen got into bed with me at some point, sleeping for a few more hours, but waking with immediately asking for his teacher. I told him today was church day, that we would be going to church. He repeated her name over and over, got up, yelled “mulk” as he ran off, and I could hear the flicking of the light switch on and off several times. He came running back around the corner with his tablet, as I was getting up. He screamed, “no”, but moved on. When I get out of bed he immediately wants me to be ready; not to go out ready, but stay home ready. That means I must have my glasses on and loungewear. Shorts still get the skeptical look. He wants to wear his jacket every day and tries to get me to put mine on when we go out. I have to breathe through some of our moments, not letting the emotions wash over me, and take control. He was sitting on his beanbag, covering up in his blanket, his face changed a little, and it made me wonder if he was feeling alright. I said, “are you feeling okay buddy” and he replied, “no”, but that’s his answer to everything he doesn’t understand. There’s nothing specifically I can say is wrong with him, but the thing is he can’t tell me if there is anything wrong with him, either. I can’t imagine if I had a headache and I couldn’t tell anyone I needed some aspirin. I’m thankful for his words and I’m thankful that sometimes he will say, “are you sick” when he isn’t feeling well, but I still wonder and worry that he isn’t able to tell me something he needs to tell me. I try not to stress about the things I cannot change, but I sure cry a lot. One day at a time, one breath at a time, and I try to smile often. Today I find peace in knowing that Owen is growing. The more he grows, the more he learns, the more he can express what he needs. Make today the stepping stone for your future. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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