I think it is like a merry go round on a Ferris wheel sitting on top of a rollercoaster. That’s pretty much how I described the day and that was by eight o’clock in the morning. Today felt sad before I could even get going. I told Owen I was cranky while we were eating breakfast. He said, “no cranky today”. Some days it’s easier not to do anything because the happy screams are easier to handle than the screams you know will come if you do something that upsets him. The lights become overwhelming to him and in turn they become overwhelming to me. Which one can I have on, when can I turn it on, which one makes noise, he can tell. It’s an old house it makes noises and they change all the time, like everything. He had an hour-long meltdown over something making a noise in my bathroom, moving between the toilet and the sink. There’s no convincing him it’s okay because it’s not. It had to stop doing whatever it was doing. The light shining through the window in the bathroom bothers him at certain points during the day. Some days he wants the bathroom door all the way closed, other days he wants it partially opened so he can look at his face in the doorknob while sitting on the toilet, and other moments he’s trying to go to the bathroom while holding his hands over his eyes because the light is shining in from the frosted window. How do I fix any of it. I breathe. I had to pick up Owen’s things from school. All that does is make cry. The kind of tears you can’t even see through. But it all followed us through the entire day. The night probably one of the hardest since this all started. Owen repeated “school’s over” and named off people and places he wanted to see all night. I prayed for calm to wash over him. I prayed it for everyone. Today is one moment in time. Keep pushing forward, know that you are a lot stronger than you think you are, and tomorrow we can start anew. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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