“School”, Owen said an inch from my nose. It took me a minute to even process what he said, then I looked at the clock. It was barely three o’clock in the morning. I was able to get him back to sleep but it’s never easy for me. I would love to sleep an entire night through. Even when he goes to sleep I sit in the quiet for a while. I paint and write to get all of those emotions out from my day. My heart spins when I can’t make him understand that his tablet needs battery or that he can’t squat on the table while eating dinner. I try not to think about how much food he has consumed that has been stuck in his toes. And when the meal is done you can almost certainly tell what he ate by his hair. He’s a sensory child through and through. He was ready to go to school this morning. He helped me get him dressed without hesitation and when we actually walked out the door to get the bus I could see him light up. He may not have the words to express all his emotions but I can certainly see his emotions. When he came home from school his smile was huge. He said exactly what I expected to hear from him, “have to go to sleep and then”. He wants me to fill in the blanks and tell him what his next day will hold. It’s keeping his routine in check. He doesn’t like a calendar or visual schedule. He gets mad at the calendar when it gets changed to different months. The visual change is hard on him. I’m so very thankful he is starting to believe in his own voice. Tears, floating in my eyes trying to hold them back. It’s hard when he screams at me to find something with the voice-activated option and I can’t find exactly what he thinks should show up. Especially now with all the languages he wants. “Throw down my blow dryer in French”, he asked Siri, laughing hysterically as she said it. “I want monkey please in germen”, followed without skipping a beat. He brought me the tablet and asked me to find “I want chocolate milk and potatoes please in Japanese”. My favorite is he thinks it’s “spinach” for Spanish but luckily Siri understands he wants Spanish. I’m thrilled with all the interactions he is doing now on his own. He threw a huge fit on me about his tablet. It was on the charger and he kept pulling it off. He was not taking no for an answer but he was also not able to use his tablet. I may have cried over these moments for far too long. The screaming is loud and I beg him to calm down. Probably why he screams more. He laughs the entire time as he can’t process it. I’m learning to breathe. I thought I knew how but now I’m working on doing it through the right moments. His smile, his joyous, joyous smile. Find your inspiration and grow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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