His smile radiates through me even in my saddest moments. Owen has been sleeping better, waking up most mornings happy and raring to go, even if he has slightly been on the sluggish side. Me, I’m exhausted. It’s funny I spent my youth and most of my adult years never needed sleep, always wanting to go, go, go. Now my body is unkind and wielding of its own mind, seeking sleep even after hours of sleep. There’s no downtime in our world. No calm, no slow down, no breaks. It’s twenty-four/seven and somehow if you could add some extra hours to that we’d take them as well. Maybe it’s all the emotions I have or that Owen has. I’m really not sure. Owen has been seeking a lot of input lately. The bigger he gets the more it seems his body seeks pressure. He pushes hard into me when he sits down next to me or he throws himself into his big beanbag pillow, face first, pounding up and down for the impact. He comes running to me, almost knocking me over with his strength, proclaiming, “big hug”. I’m looking at new ways to give him the input he desires. He goes through cycles where he needs more input. I try to figure out if it is connected to growth or other things going on, but I can’t seem to determine what it is and maybe it’s many factors combined. I see the progress, I hear his words, and I have to remember my own patience in these moments. Owen has no concept of time, yet yells out “two more minutes” when a timer goes off indicating we need to do something. He wants my interactions immediately, even if there is no possible way, screaming at me for the attention he seeks. But then there are the moments where he calmly waits for me to do my task and then help him. The jitters come from not knowing which reaction I will get. I look at Owen and my heart smiles. This is the little boy the doctors said might not talk. He’s talking, he’s communicating, and he’s making this momma so proud. My days are emotional, but the love I have for my child grows with every smile he shares. Rejoice even in the rain for the sun will shine again. You are worth it and let your happiness sing louder than your sorrows. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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