Owen woke out of sorts again this morning, but slept all night in his bed, coming to my bed around five and sleeping another hour. I tried to approach it a little differently this morning. I gave him a hug right away, telling him I loved him, and getting his breakfast. Last night he couldn’t fall asleep. Every time he was about to fall asleep, he would pop up and run to the window. Any noise is a noise to Owen. How do you make the world around you quiet when nothing really is. Sometimes I feel so lost, not knowing what will help my baby. His anxiety seems to be getting stronger. I wonder if mine wears off on him or his wears off on me. He ran to the door, many times last night, checking to make sure the locked was positioned just right. These are the little things I catch. I wonder what else keeps him on his toes. Some days I want to scream and cry and pitch a fit. This is my baby. Why is it so hard for him. And then I take a breath. He’s happy, I think, trying to convince myself that everything is okay. If I walk into the other room he comes racing after me. He could be sitting, happily playing, and then he has to follow me, even if I tell him I’m going to the bathroom. Flipping a light on brings screams or demands for me to “Turn de light offT”; only the bathroom light is an approved light. If he doesn’t scream, he turns the lights off himself, leaving me to have to turn it back on, waiting for the scream. I feel like I need one of those miner’s hats, shining the spotlight as I go. What causes him to stress about the lights, is it sensory, is it control, is it emotions. The list goes on and on. I focus on his growth, I focus on mine. My baby is turning into an amazing little boy, shining his light on the world around him. You are not alone. Your story may be different than ours, but it is as important. Today is the stepping stone to tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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