Owen came to my bed at some point but then we slept the rest of the night. I’ll take it. Although he became the big burrito and all my covers were gone. He woke talking about his day ahead and that I needed to sit, bypassing a good morning of any kind. We got up and he was convinced I needed to sit. I tried to tell him I was not going to sit but he was not convinced. He came to me saying “belt” and then he told me he would say good morning to his teacher “help belt please”. I wore my camo pants but he wouldn’t wear anything but blue and he kept telling me that I needed to wear blue pants when he came home. Immediately off the bus, he started saying about me wearing blue pants tomorrow and that grandma would be in blue pants. He couldn’t process that I still had camo pants on. When he left for school he told me to have the blue pants on when he came home. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to hold my baby until the world stops turning and blue pants can leave the train. It’s so incredibly hard knowing that he is going to be upset for hours because I wore camo pants to get him off the bus. He was both calm and agitated all night. He was watching a video This Old Man and I was dancing. He ran to me touching my hip trying to stop it from moving. Everything has to be the picture he sees and how it is supposed to go. And me moving or singing was not an option. The night went pretty quickly. When it was bath time he told me “take Elmo bath”. It took me a minute and I was like no. I told him Elmo couldn’t get wet. Then he said, “night night Elmo see you later Elmo no bath Elmo”. It was great to hear him having a whole conversation about it but sad as well because he couldn’t take Elmo in the bath. He fell asleep pretty quickly and I’m thankful that he was able to calm down after me wearing camo pants. One day at a time I remind myself. I spoke with a doctor the other day. I called to find out some information about what they do. The doctor said we want to provide hope to these children for their future. Hope, for tomorrow. I was thrilled with this. So many times I’ve been told the worst-case scenario instead of the best. There is hope. There is hope out there for tomorrow. Believe in the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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