The screaming. It echoes through my mind. I breathe. I want to cry, I want to scream too, but I breathe. Owen woke within minutes of me falling asleep it seems. He was able to tell me why he woke up. He still doesn’t understand he has to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I have to remember these are the steps to body awareness and that means he is growing. I couldn’t convince him to stay in his bed and I was too tired to try so off to my bed we went. About that time it started raining. My heart aches for my sweet baby O. He screamed and screamed and screamed. He wanted the rain to stop and he wanted it to stop now. It’s hard to explain I can’t turn off the rain. It’s even harder to explain that in my room because of the pitch of the room it sounds even louder than in his room. His room used to be my room but I gave him my room because it’s the quietest room in the house. But when you can hear every single noise magnified the world is noisy no matter where you are. Sleep finally won for Owen but it took me a while to rest. I watched him sleep and prayed he would sleep late. Saturday routine is the same as through the week routine, he was up by five. Luckily he had a good morning. He ate a large breakfast, asked for grandma about fourteen million times, and wanted me to sit so he could sit next to me. He couldn’t wait to get to grandma’s house though. He also couldn’t wait until I got there to pick him back up again. He stayed for several hours but he also gets very anxious with his routine and he started looking for me to come to pick him up. As soon as I got there he told me “go to sleep and then I go to church”. He also talked about going to school and going to therapy. He is so afraid his routine is going to go away again. When we got home he had a great night. He once again ate a huge dinner but he pretty much ate from the minute we got home. His words felt very strong today even though he wouldn’t answer any of the questions I asked. He did spell for me on the way home from grandma’s. I hoped to distract him from the screams in the car. He fell asleep quickly and he made sure I knew he was going to church tomorrow. I prayed a lot today. I prayed that tomorrow he gets to go to church and that he feels completely better. I know his behavior issues also stem from him not feeling well and everything is amplified sensory-wise. He sang with Alexa and Siri and he played his ukulele with a music video today. I love my little music man and I’m amazed at him every day. Never give up on the hope of tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.