To hear my baby happy is a joy. I needed those happy screams back in these trying times. He’s been happy all day, but he has also totally and completely decided he only has to use the potty when he wants to. He was laying on his trampoline, playing an app that mimics the words he says back to him. “Do you need to go potty it’s not a choice”, he said, this was seven pairs of underwear later. My heart aches for my little boy. Routine is how he thrives and right now is nothing but no-routine. I want to scream, shout, cry, huddle in the corner on the floor, but I have to keep pushing forward. I tried to tell Owen that we wouldn’t go on a walk if he kept wetting his underwear. He just screamed. How do you correct a behavior that I believe is triggered by emotions. I want calm for my baby. We walk out our door and that’s so scary to me. How do you keep a child that sticks their hands in their mouth constantly from sticking their hands in their mouth. We went for our walk late in the day. Owen never uses our porch rail, if anything I beg him to use it because he will jump down the steps and I’m always scared he’s going to fall. Today, before I could even wipe it down, he grabbed the rail and down the steps he went. And before I could get to him his hands were in his mouth. I push him in his stroller so he can’t go running from me when we are walking and he loves to “ride”, but we hadn’t even left our porch yet and I wanted to breakdown in tears. This daily walk is about the only thing Owen looks forward to now and I’m scared to even take him outside. I cried pushing the stroller, I cried when we got home, and then I told myself to get brave, be strong. I can tell you my nerves still feel like they are spaghetti, but I have to let today go. I have to focus on tomorrow and the tomorrows after that. This is one moment in time and we will get through this. Even in my struggles, Owen remained happy today, full of laughter and giggles. This is what I focused on, this is what I have to focus on. He had full conversations with the people he wanted to talk to even though he didn’t actually speak with any of them. He went through the conversations he’s had with them and said his lines and theirs. I was fascinated with how he did this and yet he didn’t want to actually talk to them. I tried to show him a video of his teacher this morning and within seconds of me starting it, he was next to me, turning off my phone. He screamed for twenty minutes and then when he was done he asked me to find the calendar in the App Store. This was what his teacher was working on in the video. I showed him the calendar on his tablet and I showed him our dry erase calendar that I got him. He’s wanted nothing to do with until today. One day at a time we will get through this. Find your strength, know that you are not alone, and tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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