The party train left the depot before two in the morning. There was no convincing Owen that he needed to go back to bed and I certainly wasn’t telling him he was going to a therapy session today because that would have made it even harder. I sent him back to his room multiple times after he wouldn’t get in bed with me but that still didn’t work so at some point I gave up and we were up for the day. The coffeepot couldn’t churn out the coffee quick enough for me. I wonder how many pots of coffee are too many pots of coffee. I suppose when you measure in pots instead of cups that might be the answer. When I told him that he was going to his therapy today he was beyond thrilled. He also wanted to go to the elevators. I told him we could go after his appointment if he didn’t mention “blue pants” to everyone he saw. I’m trying every motivation and encouragement I can think of to get him to move forward. If he didn’t yell at people and tell them they have to go home it would be a whole different story but he has to come to terms with the fact that everyone is not going to wear blue pants and sometimes it rains and those blue pants get wet. The rules are overwhelming. We left for his appointment but we got there a little early so I drove to the park that he used to love to go to. He hasn’t wanted to go anywhere lately so I thought I would see what he said. The pool is right behind the park. As soon as he saw the pool he was ready to go. He was trying to take his shoes off in the car so he could get in it. This is the first time he has ever asked about this pool as many times as we’ve been to the park and showed this much excitement. I’m going to try to take him soon but he has no fear of water so I will need to make sure I have lots of support when we go. As soon as we sat down in the waiting room he immediately told a lady “blue pants you gotta leave wear blue pants tomorrow.” I told him that he needed to say hello instead. He kept going. When she left the waiting room I told him we wouldn’t be able to go to the elevators but he said he still wanted to go. I told him if he didn’t mention them again we could. I’m trying to make him aware but I also know this is a huge struggle for him. And I don’t want to not take him places now that he wants to go places. He didn’t make it past the hallway as we were walking down to the room but he did pretty well with the therapist. Then we had to see the doctor and I told him to keep his head up because he always looks at people’s pants instead of their faces so he took his hands and put them to his head pushing it up. My words are literal directions to him. He made it past the doctor but he didn’t for the receptionist trying to pull me behind the desk so he could see what she was wearing. He knew we were going home as soon as we got to the car. I told him we could try again tomorrow, with all the emotions swirling around in my head. We walked up to our front door and he turned around on the steps, looking at me. He said, “hi hippo” saying the words he hadn’t said in quite some time but knowing these were the words I said when he was a toddler. He never forgets a thing. “You read it to me,” he said, coming to me with his tablet, reading the caption under the video he was watching. I looked at what he had said from the video caption and it was spot on. I told him he read it to me already. The best part of my day was when he was watching a video about an owl flying. I had just whispered I love you in his ear which always makes him smile and giggle. Then I stood up and made my arms like bird wings, moving them around. I made the bird noise and he laughed some more. I then had him stand up and do it with me. At first, he wanted to hold hands with me because he really doesn’t understand the action of how his arms move, often watching his hands whenever they do something. Then I said you do it and he started moving his arms and jumping up and down in a chaotic beautiful way. I made the bird noise again and he joined me. I said, “do you know your name and owl start with the same letter?” He said, “yes both with O for Owen and owl.”He said something about the elevators tomorrow and I said, “we can go but what has to happen” and he said, “no talking about the blue pants.” I am trying to stick with it about him saying blue pants but we will see. I think it is a way to at least focus him. I hope. I tell him all the time he has a choice and is so smart so he can refocus his energy on something else he just needs to breathe. I think that also makes it harder on him because he is so smart but can’t get all his words and emotions on the same page. He walked to his bed telling me to “order a robot in Russian please” and with that his day was done. Even through our struggles today I felt like he made a lot of progress. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring but hopefully more sleep and a trip to ride the elevators. The highlight of my day was dancing with him in the kitchen. There’s joy in my heart from the smile that he shared. Every moment there is a chance for change and that change might be the spark you need. Let tomorrow be open to the wonders of possibilities. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.