I can tell you right now I feel like I need some duck tape and glue to fix all the broken pieces in our world. Today was very sad for Owen and many meltdowns throughout the day. I don’t know how to provide comfort to him besides holding him and telling him I love him, but that’s not something he always wants me to do. He wants to go through his own feelings and emotions about it. And he is still learning to process those. He keeps telling me he wants to call people and places, but as soon as I tell him that he can call someone he yanks the phone from my hand or keeps pushing the home button, screaming the entire time. “Wanna call church”, he says. “Let’s call church”, he continues. I always tell him, “absolutely you can call church”. He moves on listing other people and places, but will come running to me if I make any attempts at trying to call anyone. We had to go to the drug store. We only had to go to the drive-thru, but this alone felt incredibly overwhelming. To walk out my door feels like the same way it did for us years ago. There’s an uncertainty of how Owen is going to act or for that matter me. He does not understand he cannot put his fingers in his mouth. The rule of don’t touch your face does not apply to him. I try to think through the steps we are going to take, but that’s exactly it, walking out our door are steps that lead us to the unknown. I try to rush us through the process of getting to the car or in his stroller for our walks. I want him as safe as possible and I wish that we didn’t have to even step foot out our door, but I know I have to do it for him as much as I want to shelter him from the outside world as well. I wish I could explain it to him. I wish I didn’t cry out to him to get his hands out of his mouth, begging him to not do it. I feel just as anxious when we walk back in our house because I don’t want him to touch anything in case we were in contact with something that had the virus on it, but then I think well he already had his hands in his mouth. All I can do is pray and keep moving forward. Tomorrow I get a grocery delivery and I can have time to overthink that as well. You are not alone in this journey of life. I’m thankful for the laughter that Owen shared with me in between our moments of sadness and anxiousness. His smile is what keeps me going. Find your strength and keep pushing forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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