There’s no crying over spilled milk but there sure is crying when you are exhausted and in a pandemic. Today’s emotions come from Owen not understanding, or maybe understanding too well, that no matter how many times he wanted a certain video YouTube was not going to find it. The squealing, screaming, biting, and kicking seemed to rock our evening. He wants instant gratification and if I don’t answer right away he screams or sticks his tablet right in my face. If I’m in the middle of eating or drinking and he wants me to find something on his tablet I better find it on his tablet. And then when his tablet can’t find it the emotions are even stronger. The tablet is one of those things I love for him to have and I hate for him to have. The words, interactions, and skills he has learned from using it have truly been a blessing but it is also hard. If the internet goes out or he can’t have every app out there it’s difficult to explain why to him. Then add in when his table, nor I have all the answers the meltdowns can come fast and furious. Over the years he’s gone back and forth with biting as the answer. Tonight biting was the answer. He’s quick. He was sitting next to me and he grabbed my hand. It was in his mouth before I could even react. Luckily he actually responded when I told him not to bite me. The tears swell in my eyes thinking about it. I knew I had to work on his calming techniques with him at this point. We counted, we breathed, we ate dinner, and then we started the two-hour journey of bedtime. Flip-flop McGee was all over the bed. He was yelling for me to give him a “big hug” but then bending my fingers on my hand backwards as he was trying to fall asleep. He doesn’t get his own strength or that he could possibly hurt me. Each time he was close to sleep he would do something to completely wake himself back up again. I held back the tears and tried to remember the calmer I am the calmer he becomes. That is what I have to hold in my heart and know that together we will get through the rocky days. His laughter, singing, and randomly bursting out in French phrases kept me going today. I pray for sweet dreams for my boy and a brand new tomorrow. Focus on the positive side of life and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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