I really want to hang the gone fishing sign out. How does your day start out so calm and then change in an instant. Owen slept until seven after coming to me around two in the morning. At least he’s sleeping a little better. Today was bowling day. The day that we are supposed to love and be excited about. And the day now I want to completely forget or at least fifteen minutes of it. I talk to him about emotions and how we need to work through them. I explain to him that everything doesn’t always go our way. But how can he possibly understand all that. He doesn’t. Sure, he might grasp some of it but when emotions brew meltdowns happen. He’d had a great day, extremely calm. He spent a few hours with my mom before bowling and he was ready to go. He wanted to go bowling. What he didn’t want is for the pins not to do exactly as he wanted. Before I could even say count to ten he was pulling my hair and I was down. He was ready to bowl again with all those emotions. I don’t want to think about it. The bowling alley was busier than it normally is, people are starting to get out again. All those eyes watching my son go through all those emotions. My heart ached for him. No one offered to help. I don’t blame them. What would they even do. I sat with him, I talked with him, I kept him right next to me. I told him to count to one hundred. He said, “no count to one hundred today”. I told him if he didn’t calm down we would have to leave. I honestly didn’t know how we could leave if his emotions were still upset but my flight response wanted to call every bird, plane, and rocket ship to get us out of there. He calmed, I kept from crying, and we bowled. He did great after that. Me, I still want to crawl under a rock. He started asking for “nuggets chicken nuggets please” before we even left. I had told him no earlier in the day but oh how I wanted calm. We went. He mostly did fine on the drive home but I could tell he was processing everything that had happened. He ate his chicken nuggets and he played with his tablet. After dinner, he kept coming to me and hugging me. His words, his emotions, his body language all trying to come together to figure out what happened today. My sweet baby O we will get through this together. He’s growing and the next step is life with hormones. One breath at a time. I attempted bedtime early. It was not what he planned. He doesn’t like it if I close my eyes when he is trying to go to sleep. Let’s just say that does not go over well. Our glorious victory came when he actually asked me for a “booger place today”. I didn’t know what he meant at first. He said, “no in de mouth yucky”. He wanted a tissue. Years melted away in that moment of growth. We grow, we learn, we love. Find your strength and keep pushing forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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