Friday nights are always interesting. Owen woke by one. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed some more he would go back to sleep. He did not. He wanted to scream about it too. I tried everything I could think of to get him to go back to sleep. But it was Friday night and that is the no-sleeping night because he has to get ready for grandma’s house. He got into my bed and every two seconds he said, “grandma grannnddma grandmaaaa.” Does it take two seconds to say, grandma? It was a lot. And then dispersed in there would be “tablet” but it wasn’t as big of a concern. Exhausting doesn’t quite cover it. He couldn’t focus on anything else besides getting to grandma’s house. We had gotten past Friday with him wanting to stay home because he didn’t want to go on a trip again but I knew Friday night would be an all-nighter. The night stretched into the morning and it was finally time to go to grandma’s house. The blue pants problem is a problem. He has so much support walking him through these days and yet it doesn’t seem to change anything. He’s had these behaviors before but the emotions attached to this are so much stronger. Plus, he is now really increasing how he says the opposite of what is happening or what he is seeing. This is hard. He says it’s raining when it’s not, something is happy when it is sad, and will say it’s a man when it’s a woman, all the opposite things as well and the list goes on. I keep hoping that we will get more answers when we go to the specialists in September. I’m hoping as the team evaluates him they will be able to offer more structured advice to push us through these waves and cycles of emotions. It’s all so much. I keep trying to talk him through it, giving him structured times to talk about it, and limited access to his triggers but when the entire world is a trigger that is impossible to do unless we go nowhere and he still will watch a video, look at a book, or talk about a stuffed animal that does or does not have blue pants. Even when he cannot see the person or the character’s pants he will talk about it. I breathe. He broke his blue glasses when he was at grandma’s today. I’ve been letting him decide what glasses he wants to wear and I am hoping by doing this he won’t break his real glasses again. His grandma gave him some other glasses to wear if he wanted them and he proudly wore donut glasses. By the time we left there, he was half asleep. Somehow he stayed up for several more hours and ate a pretty good dinner. He asked about church several times, and said he would be with mommy on Monday, then change it to go to the pool on Monday and ride the train on Tuesday. I’m not quite sure if he wants to ride the real train again or if it’s something else he is trying to explain. Time will tell. I’m not sure what days we will do what but I’m hoping he will actually want to go. One more week until school starts. I’m hoping when he goes back to school his teacher may have some more insight on how to redirect our blue pants world. He kept me on my toes today but his big belly gut laugh and that huge grin kept me going. He was exhausted but really cranky and a little after eight he was out. I wanted to try to keep him up later but his eyes were so heavy and as soon as he was in bed he was out and that was mid-sentence stating “no bed today.” Tomorrow is a brand new day and I have to focus on the good stuff. Find your strength and keep pushing forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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