Feeling accomplished with a side of, what the heck did we just do. The overwhelming sensation of being overwhelmed has struck me today, but I’m pushing through it all. We sat outside Cabela’s, this time Owen wasn’t screaming, or crying, but he kept telling me he didn’t want to go see the fish. All morning he asked, and I told him we would go. We got there, and he decided he didn’t want to go. “Wanna nope let’s nope”, he said. He went on, “wanna go see the fish nope let’s nope”. I want to laugh, and cry. “Wanna nope”, that’s the best expression ever, but that’s my baby’s emotions. I sat there for a moment, wondering if it was the right thing to push him to go inside. He has loved the fish every time we’ve gone, but the last few times we’ve tried have lead to complete meltdowns. This is emotional for both of us. Nothing like having your heart race, and your head about to explode as you walk into a store, but there we went. He did fine, he did better than fine. He was excited to see the fish, wanting to see the long gone Santa, and talking to the people as we walked along. In fact he didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to leave at all. He stood there counting the fish for me, referencing the gooey fish from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and talking about the store. I walked him around looking at the other animals they have displayed, telling him what they were. I had to tell him we were going to “bobP ebins resRonT” for us to leave, promising that we could come see the fish again tomorrow. Sometimes I don’t know when to push us, or let go of something. It’s very emotional. I might as well say extremely emotional. But here we sit, eating at Bob Evans restaurant, after going to see the fish. I have to remember these moments when I’m struggling to put one foot in front of the other. He’s covered in eggs, and for that matter I am too, but we are getting out in the world, and this gives me so much hope for Owen. I can tell you it’s a lot easier to sit at home, even though I still can’t control all the circumstances, it’s easier to distract Owen, and keep him occupied. I’m thankful for his growth, I’m thankful today was successful, and we’re ready to set off on our next adventures for the day. Don’t wait for the life you want to come knocking on your door, go out, and make the life you want. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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