This sleeping thing for Owen is a good thing. Now if I can convince myself to sleep that would be another story. I am a procrastinator. I always say why do today what I can put off and not do again tomorrow. Partly it’s because of grief, partly it’s because of expectations, and some of it’s no sleep. I’m sure there are a ton of other things mixed in there as well, but each day I try to accomplish more things. I try to look at today and see the growth of me as much as I see the growth of Owen. But looking at your own growth is hard, it’s not something that we were taught to do, it’s not something we think through, but I always tell myself to look at the positives so this morning as I was looking at my grief one more time I said to myself look at the growth. Focus on that. Plus, that’s what I want Owen to see. The happiness that he had from the minute he woke up helped my mood. He sat with me completely under the blue blanket that he wasn’t thrilled was on my bed until he used it to be completely under it. He got ready without any delays, still wanting to wear shorts, and tennis shoes with the tongue. As he stood waiting for the bus I wondered how I was going to convince him to go back to pants when it got cold. Tall socks or long johns may be in the mix at some point. I’m hoping that he is starting to understand seasons. When he was waiting for the bus he wanted to make sure I was going to pick him up from school for therapy. “Mommy gonna pick me up,” he said, and before I could say anything he quickly moved on to talking about Saturday. “Mommy go bye bye be with grandma,” he said. When I picked him up his teacher said he had a great day. I tried to take him to the park before therapy but that was a no-go. He did great at therapy. His speech therapist said he wanted to do complex sentences. Then he wanted to read the books for his chosen activity. She said not only did they have to read the books all the way through but then they had to sing it. Sounds about right for my little musician. I told him we would order a pizza to pick up on the way home. He said, “no no no.” So we headed home and we drove by his “green stop sign” that’s really red and the windows. When he saw Gino’s he said, “order the pizza and then take it home.” I ordered it because this was a big step for him. We had twenty minutes so we went to the park. He did amazing climbing up and going on the slide. I told the owner at the pizza place about how much he loved the sign and called it “Owen’s sign.” I also explained that he tells me stories about how it looks like a person, ant, and robot to him. He ate a lot of pizza and we had a great night. Sleep did not take long at all even though he tried to put it off. Focus on the good stuff. The giggle when he woke up and said, “one hug tickle me” as he put his foot in my hand is what made my day. Hang on to the good stuff and let go of the rest. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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