It’s starting to stay darker in the mornings. It’s that time of year. How do I explain to Owen that it is darker because of the seasons. I feel like he’s starting to get this but it is all a process. I thought about this as we were waiting for the bus. It will change our mornings and the way he looks for the bus when it becomes dark. He had a good morning and did his light and waiting for me to get my coffee routine. I’m thankful he’s been sleeping better. His sleeping better makes me sleep better. I started getting ready to take him out to wait for the bus and he asked me for cereal and chocolate milk. I can tell this boy is growing. He generally waits until he eats breakfast at school. His teacher has said that he’s been eating a lot more at school as well and that makes this momma happy. He was in a great mood when he went off to school. We had discussed going to dinner with his grandparents, and at the time he was on board. However, when he got home from school that changed. When he got off the bus he got very upset about me standing in the wrong place. Then immediately as we were walking in he started saying that he was not going anywhere and I needed to change and put on a dress. Then the meltdown happened as soon as we walked in the door. He realized I was doing laundry. I had different piles separated across the kitchen and laundry to fold on my bed. I didn’t even think about it. I had stopped working on it while the air conditioner repair man was here. By the time he left, it was time to wait for his bus. It didn’t even cross my mind. He started screaming about throwing the clothes down the stairs, and the pants in the trash. He can’t process it all. I can’t imagine all that he is going through when something like laundry is not in the right place. It can be piled up on my chair or my table but if it’s on my bed or in the laundry, hampers, it causes him to have huge meltdowns. He wanted me to change and for me to sit. Once I sat and he was able to get his tablet, he remained calm. I tried not to upset him for the rest of the night. You walk on eggshells, knowing that words and actions could cause even more pain for him. We didn’t go to dinner with his grandparents, but they understood. We will try again tomorrow after therapy. I focus on the progress and I try not to get emotional about the days I feel need a reset. I sit and breathe and pray. I can only imagine what he thinking in those moments. As the day turned in tonight, I talked to him about the emotions that we both have. I want him to understand that even though he doesn’t want the laundry out there are times that it must be in different places. Each day is a learning process for both of us. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. And I’m learning and growing every day, just as much as he is. His laughter was amazing this morning and that is what I cling to every day. Cherish the moments of joy, work through the sadness, and know there is a victory to be had. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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