I think the sat in Saturday was accomplished today. I’m exhausted. Completely and totally exhausted. To say the least, caffeine is no longer helping to put Owen to sleep nor keeping him asleep. On to find the next hope. No matter what I have tried it only lasts a few months or a few days at that and no longer helps him. I’m not even sure what to try next, but there’s got to be something. He fights sleep. It took almost three hours for him to fall asleep. His little body flopping all over the bed. I feel like I have motion sickness after laying next to him. He’s been requesting school and church every day. He tells me, “we go to church Sunday”, stating it more as a fact than a question. He talked about school some today, but it was more about him working on his school apps than him actually talking about it. I know he is ready and I really feel like he is going to have a great year. I’ve heard great praise about his new teacher which gives me so much hope. We mostly had a good day, but he was joined to my hip as well. Anytime I moved or did something he wanted me to come back and sit with him. He curled up in my lap numerous and even wanted to lay down under the blanket on the couch with me, which are things he rarely does. He’s back to getting upset if I go to the bathroom. If I don’t completely shut the door he will close it, laying on the floor, kicking the door screaming. When I walk out of the bathroom something generally goes flying across the room in his show of disappointment. Parts of these actions are attention getters, but they stem from the side of meltdowns and quickly can last hours if I don’t handle it correctly. It’s exhausting correcting behaviors, walking on eggshells, and praying that I’ve chosen the right words to explain how we need to work together to get through this. Words truly mean everything to him. I said a trigger word to him earlier and before I could even make one step I knew it was wrong. The meltdown started. His foot was tapping, hands on his ears, and the screaming began. I breathed. My emotions run on all sides of this. We work on calming techniques to stop the meltdowns before they even start, but when one word and I don’t even know what they all are can cause him to go into an instant meltdown that train is hard to stop. I’m thankful for his growth, I’m excited for the journey ahead, and I’m one tired momma from the road behind us, but tomorrow is a brand new “church church church” day. As he finally drifted off to sleep, he said, “I have to go to sleep and den I go to church”. Find beauty in the world around you, know that you are important, and be kind to your own soul. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.