“Itsy bitsy official lyrics”, Owen said to me, wanting me to ask Alexa. Sometimes he can’t get Siri and Alexa to understand his words but I think about how far he’s come. He went on to ask, “phonics with the phonics song L”. He emphasized the “L” almost pushing his tongue out to say it. His letters are becoming clearer every day. I love his attitude about learning new things and always asking questions, even if it is hard sometimes because he wants immediate responses from me, Alexa, or Siri. He started screaming at me for getting an apple and then he immediately went to his tablet and asks for the song “apples and bananas”. He wants to hear the song but not see the food on smell it. He showed me a video of a cartoon lion. He’s becoming great at explaining and imagining what something is or could be. There were a few trees without leaves on the screen beside the lion. He pointed to them and said, “those are deer”. They looked like antlers to him I’m sure. I thought it was amazing how he thought through the screen and was able to tell me what he saw. I’m always on my toes waiting for the squeal to come and his foot to bang on the floor if I don’t say or do something correctly or fast enough. We were getting ready to go to grandma’s house since bowling isn’t something he wants to do right now. I was trying to put my brown shoes on since I had a brown shirt on. Immediately he started screaming, foot going, and hands to his ears. “Not the blue pants”, he yells, “those are brown shoes not the black shoes”. I breathed. He went on, “black shoes”. He kept yelling. Really black shoes are fine with me I thought. I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want to cry and my shoes for some reason at that moment really mattered to him. I have two approved pairs of shoes, one of which is borderline and the brown shoes are not an option yet because maybe they are too new or their style. We got in the car and off we went. “It’s raining it’s not raining”, he starts crying when we got to the stoplight. There are only so many ways we can drive to grandma’s house and they each have a set of rules that can change at any moment. Right now the weather is a big concern for him and it always starts at this one particular light. If I answer he screams, if I ignore him he cries, and if I cry he stops. Which emotions do I use, which emotions do I set in motion. I breathed. He cried for a couple of miles, screaming periodically. I try to talk to him about our emotions and that we can’t be upset about everything that we encounter but how does any of that make sense. His emotions are what he is sharing. But I hold on to his growth, his smile, his laugh, and it gets me through our days. I tell him that I know it’s hard on him and his emotions are valid but we have to find calm in the chaos so we can keep going places and moving forward. I have faith in tomorrow and I know he will do great things. Dream big and make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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