Owen walked to me, singing right until he came close to my face, expecting me to immediately start singing where he left off. I had to process what song it was and then I started singing “twinkle twinkle”. That was enough for him. He was happy, smiled, and walked away. Today has been one of those days that I play by our governing rules. I’m not sure which one of us is more likely to cry. He had a great morning, but the minute I try to do something out of our regular routine it throws him off. And not to mention new shoes, what was I thinking. I try to sneak new articles of clothing and shoes in randomly. This does not always work. We had to run out for a few minutes so I thought I would put some slip-on shoes on him. I knew before we even walked out the door I should change to his sneakers, but I always hold on to the hope it will be okay. I try to remind myself while saying it to him, patience and understanding. In the past week, I’ve seen progress and setbacks, I’ve seen a spark and I’ve seen anxiety, and I’ve heard words and sounds that express his emotions. I let go of expectations while holding tight to the promises of tomorrow. It seems like I’m forgetting as many of the rules as I’m remembering which is causing some of the moments we are having. One step at a time I tell myself. I’m also very hard on myself. I have tried to convince myself to be kind, but that’s easier said than done. He looked over at me and said, “I wuv ewe”. I needed it in that moment more than I could even explain to him, but he knew. He always has been able to tell my emotions and today is no different. His words brought me joy. I’m thankful for his words and I often reflect back to when the doctors told me he might not talk. I couldn’t live in that moment. It seems like I’ve begged him to talk from day one of our journey and here he is telling me he loves me. Never give up hope. Keep pushing forward and know that you are stronger than you think. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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