Owen slept through the night and I think I actually slept most of the night, too. Owen has been very anxious lately. Seems like everything we do causes him to want to be home. But at the same time, he loves being out doing things. It’s the days that follow that I always have to be aware of. The emotions come later. He’s been hitting me again, but he has also been walking up to strangers and randomly hugging them. In one breath I’m like the world needs more huggers and I’m also the one cringing hoping the person is okay with that. Do I smile, apologize, explain, or let it go. And I’m also the one that overthinks everything. Owen didn’t always like affection or attention. For a while, he wouldn’t even look at me. Those were very emotional times. He couldn’t talk and express himself, so he hit me a lot and also banged his head on the floor or wall. Lots of sips of coffee to get through those emotions without crying. Years later and they still bring tears to my eyes. My question I still ask every day is how do I help my baby. One day at a time I tell myself. I wish I could help calm his anxiety. I’ve never been an organized person, but Owen sees organization in our chaos. Everything has a place and everything needs to be or not be in that place. I had a pair of pants sitting on the bathroom vanity. Owen saw them. His foot started tapping, his hands went to his ears, and he started yelling, “it not makeE de noise”. The meltdown began. The pants were there only a few minutes. I sat them there instead of putting them in the hamper that was already overflowing. We moved the pants together, I held my baby on the couch, and I distracted him until he calmed down. The rules apply to certain places and things. I opened the refrigerator to get cream for my coffee. Instead of closing the refrigerator I stood there pouring it into my cup. From across the room, Owen comes running to close it and runs right back to his game. And just like that, he came to me, giving me “big hug”, sitting on my lap, and putting his foot in my hand for input. My sweet baby O is growing every day and I’m thankful for where we are today. Always remember you are a lot stronger than you think. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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