I thought at first I was dreaming. My eyes were not cooperating and they were not even attempting to open but the noise got louder. Owen started yelling, “panda’s happy he’s sad.” One eye popped open. It was a few minutes after four. He came running to me. He said, “panda’s sad” and I said, “the panda is sad, it’s nighttime go back to bed.” He ran off and sat on the couch. It only now dawned on me that I might should move where I charge his tablets. This, however, will not change the outcome of when he wakes up. And most times, occasionally, sometimes when he gets his tablet he will lay in his bed with it. He kept yelling about the game he was playing. He says the opposite of what the panda is doing. I try to explain to him that he should tell what is happening but for some reason, he will tell the opposite. He does this with so many things. I think it is partly because he doesn’t understand how to handle emotions. He was not convinced he needed to go back to sleep. He was also concerned that the roofers were going to come back. He wanted me to turn off the “blender” and he kept asking when they were going to be done even though they left yesterday. Before seven o’clock in the morning, we had discussed the roofers, his ball that broke and he threw it in the trash, his gorilla tablet cover that was replaced with a new cover, an old tablet he had years ago, his orange glasses that broke, and his swing that is broken. He said, “no blender today.” Every noise is a noise and every broken thing is broken. He has wanted to talk about everything that he had owned that is now broken and he wants to get new ones. It’s hard to remember all of this. The rules, the routine, the memories are all something I have to keep track of or try to but this momma forgets and he never does. He was eating and he started singing, “F is for fire fa fa fire g is for gorilla h is for ha ha happy I’m happy today.” He wasn’t singing with a song on his tablet and I hadn’t heard him sing this version so maybe he made it up. In today’s edition of what’s broken in Lynn’s house the air conditioner is now fixed. When the guys were here to fix it their phone rang. This sent Owen into overdrive. “Hear it,” he said. This is part of the reason it is hard for him to go places. All the noises come crashing down on him. It took him years to be remotely okay with me being on a phone call. He would scream or grab the phone from me. I couldn’t even begin to count the meltdowns he had from me being on the phone. And live videos for him are still hard. He wanted to play his ukulele for me and sang Old MacDonald. Then he wanted me to join him with his guitar. I can’t play, nor carry a tune but I love how happy he is about music. I tell him all the time he is amazing and can play anything he wants. Dinner came and he requested “pancake dogs” before I could even ask him what he wanted for dinner. I opened a drawer and he rushed over to close it before I was even done. And with that, it was also the close of another day for us. We live, we love, we learn and we grow. Let tomorrow be the stepping stone to your future. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.