One week into summer break and I’m over it. Breaks are hard. No matter why, no matter when, any and all breaks from the routine Owen loves is hard. I want to cry. And so I did. The more I cried the more he laughed. He can’t process emotions and he doesn’t completely understand how to handle mine. The good news, maybe, is he starts summer school on Monday. But he’s not prepared for it. I’ve been trying to prepare him but I didn’t know all the details until today. Still truly don’t know about the bus but I spoke with his teacher and I know what school he is going to. I told Owen he would be starting on Monday, going over the schedule for the next few days numerous times. He got very agitated, telling me “no school until August”. So now I should come up with a new name for his summer school. He looks at a calendar app every day now. That feels like big progress so maybe he is comprehending when August is coming. Summer school is optional for him so if it is too hard for him to transition to the schedule then I won’t keep sending him. I think he’ll be fine after the first couple of days but it will give me plenty of opportunity to overthink all the options I think I need to overthink. He had therapy today. I wondered how it would go. His behaviors are all intertwining right now trying to find their place. He doesn’t want to go to the potty, ever, stating “no potty today”. It’s hard to think about my nine year old wetting his pants. This is a behavior that we’ve worked very hard through. Too many tears running down my face to even drink my coffee. He does much better with it when his routine stays his routine. Anything outside his bubble causes this ripple effect. His therapy went okay today but they could tell he was struggling. Rays of lights and shadows delight him, dancing around to see them. I’m sure the reflections bring a comfort that I truly don’t comprehend but know he needs. During one of his sessions he kept getting distracted by the lights reflecting off the different surfaces. This is very common for him and he will have to repeat the same actions over and over again until he finds comfort. I laid next to him, waiting for him to fall asleep, praying for comfort and understanding to wash over him. My heart aches for the troubled waters that crash over him when nothing is routine. Tomorrow he will “be with mommy” all day and this in itself is a big adjustment for him because he needs those interactions with people. And tomorrow I will tell him I love him and everything is going to be alright. He’s the one that puts a song in my heart. Find your inspiration and go after your dreams. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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