There is no journey more important than the one I’m taking with my son. When I picked Owen up after school I asked him lots of questions. I always ask lots of questions. And I always wait for the answers. Most of the questions never get responses; except from me. How was your day at school, I’ll ask; or maybe, what did you have for lunch. I give him ways he could respond. I try not to dwell on these moments, that’s where the loneliness sets in. I try to focus on his growth, and all his accomplishments. Some days it’s seems like Owen can focus more on what’s going on around him, and other days it feels like it is all too overwhelming. I can say I feel exactly the same way. Last night I couldn’t settle, waiting for his screams, or a meltdown, there were no meltdowns, and only a few screams; those were when he yelled the word “quiet”, and then whispered it right after. My emotions were right there, front, and center, waiting to burst at any moment. Some days I don’t know how to settle my own soul. All I could do was push through the night, it’s lonely. One of the keys to all of this is taking care of yourself; emotionally, and physically. I hear the roar of emotions running through my vines so many nights. I never want to go to bed too soon, because I want that hour to stare off into space. I’m working on breathing techniques, exercise, and diet, to help with my own focus. Tonight Owen’s shrimp, that he asked for, are making “noise”, and “de vacuum is screaming” that isn’t out of the closet. Luckily, he is not screaming about either one; he’s smiling, he’s giggling, and he’s interacting with me, that’s what’s important. The life I expected was nothing like this, but this one’s better. Our journey is different; I struggle, I cry, I get emotional, but the day they put my sweet baby O in my arms is the day I’ll forever be grateful for the amazing gift I received. We can choose to dwell on yesteryear, or we can focus on the positive side of life. Go after your dreams, the right moment is now. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.