Oh, how I hoped last week was this stand alone week of forwards and backwards motions of emotions; and for it to be gone. I felt like Owen was five again, maybe even four, or three, last week. A thousand different moments of tears and times of anguish and confusion. Then last night happened. Getting into bed with me a little after midnight, right when my own dreams were starting, and Owen starts screaming names of people he wanted to see. At first I thought he was hurt. He was crying and screaming all in the same breath. Me, I was trying to breathe. I tried to hold him, cover him up, do compressions. Anything, anything to soothe him. He was quickly asleep, somehow. Me, not so much. To have words, but not be able to fully express what he needs has to be hard for him. I can only imagine what he goes through, because I know what I go through hearing my baby scream his heart out in the middle of the night. And today he woke up happy. Me, I’m tired, still shaking from the moments I had to be calmed and yelled at. I have to remember he’s not yelling at me, but his world around him. He woke with words, lots and lots of them. I feel like he is changing right before my eyes and that leads to all these moments in time we’ve been having. “Cookies and crackers wanna snack veggie straw you can have veggie straw”, Owen said. He doesn’t eat cookies for me, they are always left on his plate, but there were the words. He calls veggie straws, “cracker” and now when I give him something else besides his beloved cracker, he will try again by asking for “veggie straw”. There’s magic happening. I see it. Owen was telling me we had a couple minutes until we had to go to the bus stop. This means he wants more time with his tablet. He then said, “one minute” and held up his one finger. He watched his finger go up and he said it again, “one minute” showing me his finger. There is more progress in that one moment than I can even express. The thought process for him to go through all of those steps is incredible. I might be exhausted, but I see the value in the rocky road we have been on, because I know that he is growing. Today we walk forward, step over the boulders put in front of us, and rejoice these moments of pure victories. The journey of life is not always easy, but the love is. Great things are coming. Never give up. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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