At some point in time, you realize there has to be more to life than what you are doing right at that moment. In the last couple of years, I’ve felt my world crumbling around me but didn’t even know what to do to change it. Painting is one of the things that has changed my life. I stared at the canvas that Owen and I painted together, working on his fine motor skills. I poured four paint colors on the palette and I started painting a very abstract face. It was blue and emotions drifted out from there. Words mean nothing if you don’t put actions behind them. I can speak until I’m blue in the face but I must learn to move forward with my actions. I look at Owen and I want so many things for him. I sat on my couch for years playing video games on my tablet avoiding things that would upset Owen. There is this fine line of trying to avoid meltdowns and finding ways to guide him through a life that explains why he is having the meltdowns. And trying to even understand them myself. For several months, every day Owen would walk to our front door, multiple times, and flip the lock back and forth trying to get it in the right position for him. He would stand there squealing until it was perfect in his sight. It had to be straight up. We talked about it, he screamed about it, and I finally was going to change the lock. I would tell him the door was fine. The day that I was going to look for a new lock, he walked up to our door, screamed, looked at the lock, walked away coming to me, and said, “de door is fine”. Every day since then the screams are less and he tells me, “de door is fine”. I would love to say he is through this phase but a lot of times he cycles back through things. We choose to change and grow. Sometimes it’s through life’s experiences, other times it comes from working through our emotions. In this moment know that the impossible might become possible through change. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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