The river of tears I wanted to cry yesterday had nothing on the floodgates that were open today. But I kept it together. Well as much as I can keep it together. No tears really flowed because it’s too hard on Owen. We hardly slept last night. His routine is even more off if that’s even possible and so much not going on but really a little going on. He woke around one, all the lights turned on, grabbing his tablet, and yelling for milk. I convinced him to go back to sleep, but it wasn’t easy. Next time we woke it was around five and I begged him to stay in bed a few more minutes. I didn’t even attempt to go back to my bed last night. I had a feeling it would be even longer of a night if I did. When we got out of bed he was in a mood and I wanted to cry. He threw different objects around the room and as soon as he threw his tablet once I took it away from him. I made him sit with me. I turned on the tv and we watched a whole episode of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It was one of his favorites years ago. He calmed as we watched it together. I made him sit through another one this time of his choice. He calmed even more. I tried to calm my own nerves, but they stayed on the surface all day. I had to stay ahead of both our emotions today. I wish I could explain to him why the world makes so much noise. Better yet I wish he could explain to me what noises bother him specifically so I can work with him on those. The basement is becoming more and more of a concern for him and I pray that I can adjust it in ways that help him. One day at a time I remind myself once again. I have to keep them thought running through my mind as the food went flying everywhere. He won’t sit at all when he eats now. I have tried everything and if I push the issue he won’t eat. Or at least won’t eat when his food is ready. Maybe the brilliant plan will come to me tomorrow, today I floated through it, holding onto his smile every time I could. Find your happiness, choose to smile even on those difficult days, and know that you are amazing. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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