I feel like everything is changing by the second, but nothing is changing at all. Owen’s having a better day. Me, not so much. This whole grocery situation got me in a tailspin today. When did groceries become traumatizing I wondered. Here I’m trying to keep my baby safe and I can’t figure out how to wipe down a bag of bread properly. I have our groceries delivered so that helps tremendously, but I still worry. Owen has absolutely no fear of any of this, he only knows that his world has been completely turned upside down. We went for a walk at lunchtime. This helps us get through our days. When we were walking Owen kept talking about the windows in the buildings. He said, “starting windows turn off computer let's go inside”. His brain is amazing. I love the way he thinks through all of this. He’s very fascinated with computers and how they turn on. He will watch videos about how they are built and startup. He also loves to start our computer over and over again, watching the opening words fly across the screen. I was amazed at how he made the connection to the building’s windows and the computer saying starting windows. Last night was one of the roughest we’ve had yet. We both broke down in tears and I held him for hours. How do I explain any of this to him when I can’t explain it to myself. He hasn’t wanted to see videos or call anyone since we’ve been home. He would throw my phone if I tried to call someone or closed the apps as I would open them. Last night as I held him I called one of our friends and he was beside himself listening to the call. We were only on for a few moments and then we hung up. It was hard and emotional for both of us. Then he wanted to talk to his grandma. It took a couple of times for him to let me call her, but finally, he let the call go through. It was a short call again. When we hung up he wanted to talk to his teacher, but the screams and tears erupted bigger than before. I told him we could try another day. He asked about grandma again, so I quickly called her. This time he was calmer and I truly believe it helped him. He’s been more at peace today. I told him that he could talk to anyone he wanted at any time. He immediately asked to “call church”. I said we could, but he went on and on, listing the places and people he wanted to talk to. All his routine places were listed and the comfort of knowing he could talk to anyone seemed to help. He hasn’t wanted to talk to anyone today, but he acts more at peace than he has in weeks. We’ve had lots of laughs, hugs, giggles, and talks, which mostly consisted of vacuuming that he doesn’t want to do. Through the storm remember the sun will shine again. You are not alone. One day at a time, one moment, one breath, we are in this together. Be the change you want to see in the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.