Owen woke around three in the morning. He was crying, running to my room. He wanted his elephant. It plays lullabies but he broke it yesterday. He turns it on, pacing with it as it plays a tune, but when he is done with it he throws it to the ground to turn it off. He hadn’t played with it for a while but this past week he has played with it every day. Luckily, we had a backup but we still had to go through the process. The new backup is on order. The cycle of what’s old is new again can becomes overwhelming. I try to breathe through it all. He’s back to hitting me again. He doesn’t hit hard like he did when he was a toddler but he hits now for my reaction. He has to go through the repeated motions of what happened before. He will hit or push me and say, “don’t hit me” or “we don’t hit”. Then he will say, “big hug I wuv ewe”, giving me a big hug, wanting me to kiss his forehead. Any emotions from me now create a chain reaction of emotions from him. Learning to deal with my own emotions without expressing emotions is emotional. And he is learning how to deal with his own emotions. When we came home today he had to restart his tablet multiple times. I could tell this was a process he needed to go through because the words, actions, and steps were all the same. I couldn’t understand all of his words, but it was all well rehearsed and sounded like a review he had probably watched about restarting a tablet. After about fifteen minutes of the same actions, he moved on. I am always amazed at the journey we are on and the processes Owen goes through. I see a brilliance in my son and a beauty in his soul. He’s learning and growing and together we are walking through life. I see the world with a little more compassion and I know that today is a gift. Let the world see your smile. You never know who might need it. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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