To The Saturday We Go

Night two of Owen sleeping in his bed. Ahh, I might of actually, kinda, got a bit of sleep last night; more than normal for sure. Pure exhaustion for the win. Today’s words are filled with excitement, and stories; flowing from one thought to the next. Yesterday’s words were the repeating anxiousness of trying to figure out something. He was very calm this morning, until it was time to go. He then ran around the house, yelling that he wanted to go bowling, but yet not able to stop, and get ready. There were so many complete thoughts in the morning, only for them to turn into anxious moments when trying to leave the house. Sometimes I think he can’t process it, other times I think he wants to show me he’s boss; and other times I think patience, I need to have more patience. I know he understands so much more than he can express. I know he can read words, even if he can’t tell me what a word is when I ask. The day has been emotional. He now screams at stoplights that aren’t the stoplights he has meltdowns over. I have to listen to the inflections in his voice to know if he is screaming for my emotions, or he is screaming for his. I have to keep so many of my own emotions bottled up inside me. If I show too many emotions it can change the course of our day. He feeds off my smiles, and my oohs and ahhs. This morning, when we were trying to leave, I couldn’t tell which way to turn. I couldn’t figure out if I needed to be stern, or coddle him; until I almost started crying. He saw my emotions change, and he started laughing, running away faster. Then I knew. Sometimes he thrives more on my reactions than what else is going on. As soon as I saw his smile, I told him that the babysitter was going to come watch him, and I was going to go bowling without him. It is amazing how quickly he was standing next to me with shoes in hand. Days like today I have to figure out if it is the seven year old acting up, autism playing its role in our day, or if it is his age delay that is creating the behavior. And then of course it can be all of it combined. He’s asleep now, and the tears can finally run freely down my face. I’m hoping that he will sleep through the night; hoping I can sleep, too. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Let yesterday go, and focus on what’s yet to come. Go after your dreams; what are you waiting for. Smiles to all and donut daze!