To The Second Tuesday

Owen slept through the night, getting into bed with me right as the first of many alarms and timers started going off. My words are never so evident as when I hear them crashing back at me in waves and emotions, spoken from my little boy. He said, “your bed” and quickly followed it up with “Owen’s bed”. When he kicks me and will not settle I make him go back to his bed. There are moments in time when even these words feel harsh. I’m trying to teach him manners and expectations when sometimes I don’t even understand them myself. And then how do I keep him calm in the middle of the night or settle him enough for him to go back to sleep. Some nights that’s all I can think through, how to get him back to sleep so I can get the sleep I so desperately crave. I laugh how much I’ve changed over the years. I never wanted to sleep. I wanted to stay up all the time, all day, all night. I really didn’t even need it. Now it’s a different story. He woke happy and wanted “big hugs”. This makes me happy and sad and downright emotional. He wants hugs because his body needs input. We work on compressions of his joints and he always associates the word “hug” with it. There are times though he will come to me to hug and kiss me but I can tell the difference between these times. He also wants to hug me so he can chew on my hair. That seems to have come full circle. He left my hair alone for a while but now he must need that type of input again. All I can do is be thankful he isn’t pulling it anymore. Last night we went through his schedule, as we always do, and he said, “you ha” not even finishing the word “have”, he then waited. I didn’t answer right away so he repeated it. I realized what he said and repeated the words he wanted to hear. “You have to go to sleep first”, I said. I’m not sure how that became part of our routine but it’s here to stay for the moment. Every night as I go to bed, through struggles, through triumphs, and everything in between, I celebrate the joy of Owen. I celebrate him. We choose to dwell or we choose to rejoice in our glory. Find your strength and push forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!