To The Tuesday
Sometimes I have to remind myself not to be cranky. My sweet baby O knows how to push my buttons, but I don’t know if he really understands that’s what he is doing. He is still learning how to communicate and express his feelings so he knows he wants attention and how else do you get attention than to talk right into mommy’s nose. And maybe he understands it all. He screams right there, right there in my nose. He laughs and walks away. I try to sit emotionless because any show of emotions gets him coming right back to me and screaming again. That’s hard. I’m trying a new approach, explain, explain, and explain again why he can’t scream into my face. I try to teach him about personal space and then I reach right over and give him a kiss on his forehead. Where, when, how, why does this not make sense and make sense. Once again Queen of Overthinking reporting for duty. The older he gets the more I try to make him understand about personal space. And then here we go down the sensory input road. I can tell when he is trying to fall asleep or during his sleep that he wants and needs the pressure he gets from squishing his head into my head or shoulder. But how do I explain to him it hurts. He can’t make himself feel better by making someone else struggle. All this makes me want to cry. Why can’t I take the pressure for the five minutes or two hours that he needs it, but I can’t. I’ve yet to find a substitute for the input he seeks by squishing his head into mine. He doesn’t want anything on his head but he still seeks the pressure from pushing his head against something. He’s been tested for numerous reasons he may need the pressure, but it all seems to relate back to needing input. I rejoice in the words and communication skills that are coming. His eyes shine with delight as he learns and grows. I’m learning to challenge both of us in new ways and one day at a time we will get through this. I always tell Owen we are a team and we have to work together. Yesterday he yells out, “teamwork we got teamwork”. Yes, my sweet baby O, we do. Find your inspiration, know that you are important, and be the change you want in the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.