Owen woke in the middle of the night. I’m really not even sure what time it was. His teeth were bothering him. He got into bed with me, proclaiming, “wash your face”, immediately falling back to sleep. All I keep thinking is we have a mouth full to go through. One day at a time, I remind myself. They are worrisome to him, yet I feel like he is handling this all well. He woke later, asking for his teacher, but he did not want to get out of bed. I didn’t blame him. Some days that feels like the calmest moment of our days and I don’t even know that it is all that calm. It was raining this morning. That meant we took the car to the bus stop. This threw our morning off a little. He wants to stand there waiting for the bus. I park where he can still see the bus come down the road, but it’s not the same. I’m thankful he loves school and the bus. I often ask him what his favorite things are, knowing I won’t get an answer, but hoping that someday he’ll understand what that means. I ask him what his favorite color is, always telling him mine. I think I know a lot of the things he loves, but I want him to be able to tell me. I still cling to all the words he says, knowing how far we’ve come, and still anxious they will disappear. There have been many times where it felt like Owen lost skills or wasn’t able to use his words, but it was like he put them on a shelf, waiting until he needed them. This was very daunting and overwhelming to me at first. I was afraid he was regressing, but when this happened he was learning other skills and he had to concentrate on those steps. Some days all I could do was scream out to God, praying he would bring comfort over both of us. This is my baby, my heart, and I wanted him to be able to talk to me. I needed him to be able to talk to me. We’ve come along way from those moments. I will never forget the waiting for words, waiting for the connections, and waiting for him to look me in the eyes. All of these things can still be hard for him. All of these things are still emotional for me. My prayers haven’t really changed either, wanting a calm for both of us and knowing that we have to breathe through our days. Owen’s smile is what I cling to. His laughter fills my heart with the joy I need. And knowing he is happy gives me a sense of peace even when I don’t feel calm inside. The journey is not always easy to explain, but I’m thankful for the love of my life. Today is a moment in time. Follow your heart, dream big, and make those dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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