I heard my words coming back at me in a rapid pace this morning. Owen’s long eyelashes, bright smile, and pretty calm demeanor helped me get through my rough morning. He needed a lot of input as the day wore on, requesting “big hug” almost as soon as the previous one was done. He likes me to lift him up with my arms, almost like he is a barbell and I’m curling him upwards towards the sky. This used to be so much easier when he was half his size. I can’t get him very far off the ground now that he had a huge growth spurt. It almost feels like it won’t be long and he’ll be as tall as me. He had his snack of veggie straws before lunch, asking for shrimp as he was eating them. As soon as I put his shrimp in front of him he got up from the table stating, “throw them away”. Well, I wasn’t going to throw them away, but there were my words again. I explain to him about trash and what gets thrown away if we don’t eat it. Within a few minutes, he came back to his plate, ate all of his shrimp, requested more, and ate some of my lunch. He stayed pretty happy, but he talked about all the activities he was missing. I lost count how many times he brought up school and his teacher. I was torn with what to say because I didn’t want him to have a huge meltdown. I tried to let him ask about it and then tell him we were going today. At least that seemed to be the right strategy. I was probably more emotional than I should have been today, but nothing seems to be going smoothly right now so I remind myself to breathe. Some days feel rough around the edges and lonely. I stood saying “Owen” repeatedly trying to get him to answer me. At that moment he couldn’t reply, he couldn’t even look at me, and I have to remind myself that it was one moment in time. He can’t always process how he needs to respond. Sometimes it takes him several minutes to even look towards me. Sometimes it is the kid response. I have to decide whether the way he handles something is him being a kid, autism, or Owen, maybe even a combination of all of them. Today I tried to plaster a smile on my face even though I felt like I was breaking into a million pieces. His laughter, his joy, and his smile kept me moving forward when all I wanted to was tailspin. Through challenges, we grow and through those experiences, we learn to become stronger. Know that you are a lot stronger than you think you are. Keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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